Mariam Abacha

As always, I use different colours to indicate who is writing, as follows:-

         Emails from Mariam are in black italics

         Emails from me are in blue

         My comments are in red

This is the first email I received:-

From: Mariam Abacha <mariam_abn2005@xxxxxxxx.com>
To: mariam_abn2005@xxxxxxxx.com
Subject: INVESTMENT PROPOSAL/ URGENT REPLY PLEASE
Date: Mon, 27 Feb 2006 08:06:47 -0800 (PST)

Dear One,

l am sorry for the embarrassment this my letter might cause you as we have not had any correspondence before this letter.

l am DR. MRS MARIAM ABACHA, wife of the late Nigeria Head of State, General Sanni Abacha who died on the 8th of June,1998 while still on active duty.l am contacting you in view of the fact that we will be of great assistance to each other likeness developing a cordial relationship. l currently have within my reach the sum of Fifteen Million US Dollars(US$15,000,000.00) cash which l intend to use for investment,like Real Estate Development specifically in your countr y. This money came as a payback contract deal between my late husband and a Russian Firm on our countries multi-billion dollars Ajaokuta Steel Plant.

The Russian Parties returned my husband's share of USD$15,000,000.00 after the death of my husband and lodged in my husband's security company here in Nigeria of which l was director , the new Civilian government have intensified their probe on my husband's financial and oil company. ln view of these, l acted fast to withdraw the my money from the company's vault and deposited it in an abroad Security Company in a foreign country. l have since declared the Security Company bankrupt. No record ever existed concerning the money traceable by the government because there is no documentation showing that we received the money from the Russian. Due to the current situation into the country concerning government attitude towards my family, it has become quite impossible for me to make use of this money within. The present government in Nigeria had frozen and seized all our bank accounts both here in Nigeria and abroad.

Thus consent l shall expect you to contact me urgently to enable us discuss in detail about this transaction. Bearing in mind that your assistance is needed to transfer this fund,l proposed a percentage of 30%of the total sum to you for the expected service and assistance, 5% for offsetting minor expenses incurred in the course of this transaction. Your urgent response is highly needed as to stopfurther contacts. All correspondence must be by the email address above. l will give you my tel/fax numbers where you can contact me when l hear from you. l must use ! this opportunity to implore you to exercise the utmost indulgence to keep this matter extraordinarily confidential whatever your decision while await your prompt response

Please you can reply me at my alternative email: mrs_mariam_abacha69@xxxxxxxx.com

Best Regards.

MRS. MARIAM ABACHA

I think I might be becoming a bit of an expert on the life and times of General Sani Abacha and his family! Yes, this must be the squillionth "Abacha" letter to land in my inbox, although top marks on this occasion for the interesting use of the lower case "L" in place of the upper case "i" - that will save our lad hitting the shift key a few times! On the other hand, why he doesn't just type the entire letter in upper case is beyond me - I mean, it would make the whole thing seem much more official!

Okay, let's try a slightly different tack...

From: "Ben Codpiece" <ben.codpiece@xxxxxxxx.com>
To: Mariam Abacha <mariam_abn2005@xxxxxxxx.com>
Cc: mrs_mariam_abacha69@xxxxxxxx.com
Subject: Re: INVESTMENT PROPOSAL/ URGENT REPLY PLEASE
Date: Tue, 28 Feb 2006 00:06:36 +0000

Dear Dr Abacha,

Please, what is happening? After we spoke in December I thought you were going to sort something out regarding the payment. When I didn't hear from you for a couple of weeks I called your mobile but I could not get through. I tried several times with no luck, I also tried Barrister Williams on the number he gave me but a woman answered and said there was no Barrister Williams on that number. And now you send me this letter again saying we have not had any correspondence before - very puzzling!

Please let me know what is going on as I am still willing to assist you but I'm a bit confused now as you can imagine!

Regards,
Ben.
--
The New Rectory
Church Lane
Elmsett
Ipswich IP1 2PR
http://www.stivelschurch.uk.tc

So the good reverend has been communicating with Dr Abacha before and they lost touch. Will our lad be brave (or greedy) enough to take up the reins where the other (imaginary) lad dropped them? Let's see...

From: Mariam Abacha <mariam_abn2005@xxxxxxxx.com>
To: Ben Codpiece <ben.codpiece@xxxxxxxx.com>
Subject: Very Urgent Ben !
Date: Tuesday, 28 Feb 2006 9:03:41 AM -0800 (PST)

Dear Ben,

How are you today? its my hope that you are in good health. I got your reply to my mail and i was happy that you care about my troubles and have accpeted to assist my family in making this transaction a succesfull one. I want you to know that this transaction will lead my family and that of yours into everlasting and beneficial relationship as it is risk-free.

As you know, this transaction demand utmost honesty and trustworthiness because of the simple fact that we has not met ourselves face to face.So, please i like you to give me assurance the more that my fund will be safe when it enter your account as my lawyer will visit you as soon as you comfirm receiving this fund in your account for the sharing of this fund as the percentage indicated .this assurance is very important so i can feel free working with you.

The present government has really showed my family much troubles because they have seized any funds found in the name of my late husband claiming that my husband had embezelled this fund from government treasury purse which is not justifyable. So because of this i acted fast to deposit this remaining fund in a security company where no one can trace as i deposited it as family valuables.

Finally, because of nature and procedures of international fund transfer, i have chosen that you work with my Lawyer John Smith, who is currently living in a small but peaceful country Lome-Togo here in west Africa. He is very experience as he was very close to my husband when his father was alive. He is married and he will represent my family. I think its best this way for security reason and his experience counts so much on this because he will asist to get every neccesary paper to make this transaction legal and risk-free. This is his contyac information;

NAME : JOHN SMITH
MOBILE: 00228 997x xx
EMAIL : mailjohnsmith00@xxxxxxxx.com

Please, go ahead and contact my lawyer for further procedure ok. Tell him who you are and your reason for contacting him. Tell him that i asked you to do so, though i will write him to explain more to him. God bless you as i wait to read from you soon.

Best regards,
Mariam Abacha

And another one the next day - our lad must sense he's got a live one on the hook...

From: "Dr. Mariam Abacha" <mrs_mariam_abacha69@xxxxxxxx.com>
To: Ben Codpiece <ben.codpiece@xxxxxxxx.com>
Subject: Contact my lawyer for further information / reply
Date: Wednesday, 1 Mar 2006 5:29:00 AM -0800 (PST)

Dear Ben Codpiece,

How are you today? its my hope that you are in good health. I got your reply to my mail and i was happy that you care about my troubles and have accpeted to assist my family in making this transaction a succesfull one. I want you to know that this transaction will lead my family and that of yours into everlasting and beneficial relationship as it is risk-free. And i know that you are rich but please help me.

As you know, this transaction demand utmost honesty and trustworthiness because of the simple fact that we have not meet ourselves face to face.So, please i like you to give me assurance the more that my fund will be safe when it enter your account as my lawyer will visit you as soon as you comfirm receiving this fund in your account for the sharing of this fund as the percentage indicated .this assurance is very important so i can feel free working with you.

The present government has really showed my family much troubles because they have seized any funds found in the name of my late husband claiming that my husband had embezelled this fund from government treasury purse which is not justifyable. So because of this i acted fast to deposit this remaining fund in a security company where no one can trace as i deposited it as family valuables.

Finally, because of nature and procedures of international fund transfer, i have chosen that you work with my Lawyer who is currently living in a small but peaceful country Lome-Togo here in west Africa. He is very experience as he was very close to my husband when his father was alive. He is married and he will represent my family. I think its best this way for security reason and his experience counts so much on this because he will assist to get every neccesary paper to make this transaction legal and risk-free. Contact him via this address;

NAME ; JOHN SMITH
MOBILE ; 9971 xxx
EMAIL; mailjohnsmith00@xxxxxxxx.com

Please contact my Lawyer and let him know who you are and your reason for contacting ,although i have told him about you before. please do that and get back to me for my update. thank you and i am waiting. Do let me know concerning what ever you don't understand ok.

Best regards,
Mariam Abacha

Of course I'm honest and trustworthy - otherwise you wouldn't have approached me in the first place, surely?!

From: "Ben Codpiece" <ben.codpiece@xxxxxxxx.com>
To: "Dr. Mariam Abacha" <mrs_mariam_abacha69@xxxxxxxx.com>
Subject: Re: Very Urgent Ben !
Date: Wed, 1 Mar 2006 23:01:54 +0000

Dear Mariam,

I am passable, although recoving from influenza. Father Ivan has been performing my duties since last week and only today have I been up and about again. I conducted the Wednesday evening mass and then settled down to watch the football with a nice glass of red wine. Did you see it? England scored the winning goal with seconds to spare!

Regarding the transaction, I can assure you that I will conduct myself with the utmost honesty as I would hope any man of the cloth would do. Your funds will be safe with me, I promise. I will drop your lawyer a line immediately and I'll welcome him into my house if he decides to visit.

Best regards,
Ben.
--
The New Rectory
Church Lane
Elmsett
Ipswich IP1 2PR
http://www.stivelschurch.uk.tc

In fact I changed channels moments before Joe Cole scored and couldn't believe it when the newsreader on Sky announced an England victory! Anyhow, Reverend Ben is as good as his word:-

From: "Ben Codpiece" <ben.codpiece@xxxxxxxx.com>
To: mailjohnsmith00@xxxxxxxx.com
Subject: Concerning Dr Miriam Abacha
Date: Wed, 1 Mar 2006 23:22:18 +0000

Dear Mr Smith,

Please allow me to introduce myself. I am the Reverend Ebenezer J Codpiece of St Ivel's Church, Elmsett. Please feel free to check the Church's Web site and verify that I am emailing you from the address on the contacts page. You will see that I am who I claim to be.

I have been approached by your client Dr Miriam Abacha, widow of the late Nigerian head of state General Sanni Abacha, and asked for assistance in relocating a large sum of money to the UK. Obviously a man in my position cannot be too careful, so before we proceed any further I need to reassure myself that the transaction she is proposing is entirely legal and that she will not be expecting me to become involved in any transgressions of the law. Please can you confirm that this is indeed the case?

I look forward to hearing from you at your earliest convenience,

Ben Codpiece.
--
The New Rectory
Church Lane
Elmsett
Ipswich IP1 2PR
http://www.stivelschurch.uk.tc

I wonder if he'll bother to check the Website? I shall almost certainly test him later to make sure he has - I'm not allowing all that effort go to waste!

From: "Ben Codpiece" <ben.codpiece@xxxxxxxx.com>
To: "Dr. Mariam Abacha" <mrs_mariam_abacha69@xxxxxxxx.com>
Subject: I have written to your lawyer
Date: Wed, 1 Mar 2006 23:27:14 +0000

Dear Mariam,

I may call you "Mariam", yes? This is conducive to a friendly and trusting relationship,I believe.

I am writing to confirm that I have written to your lawyer, Mr Smith. I will let you know as soon as he replies.

Have a good night. Is it night where you are? It's half-past eleven here at the moment.

Regards,
Ben.
--
The New Rectory
Church Lane
Elmsett
Ipswich IP1 2PR
http://www.stivelschurch.uk.tc

At this point St Ivel's Web site registers a hit from the same network address as Dr Abacha is using to send her emails - she's obviously checking me out. Twenty minutes later this arrives:-

From: John Smith <mailjohnsmith00@xxxxxxxx.com>
To: "Ben Codpiece" <ben.codpiece@xxxxxxxx.com>
Subject: GET BACK TO ME ASAP.
Date: 03-Mar-2006 14:49

DEAR SIR,
THANKS FOR YOUR MAIL TO ME.MRS ABACHA ALREADY TOLD ME ABOUT YOU AND ALL THAT SHE WANT TO DO WITH YOU.I WANT THEREFORE TO ASSURE YOU THAT THE PROPOSAL WHICH MY CLIENT DR MRS MARIAM ABACHA SENT TO YOU IS REAL AND LEGAL.

FOR YOUR INFORMATION,I WOULKD HAVE MY CLIENT SEND YOU HER INTERNATIONAL PASSPORT TO ERASE ALL YOUR DOUBTS.YOU CAN CALL ME ON THIS NUMBER 00 228 997 1xxx.
YOU CAN AS WELL SEND ME YOUR OWN PHONE NUMBER SO THAT WE CAN DISCUSS THIS BUSINESS.

I AWAIT YOUR URGENT RESPONSE.NOTE THAT I HAVE THE UNDERLYING DOCUMENT WHICH IS VERY VITAL TO THIS TRANSACTION. I WAIT FOR YOU RESPONSE URGENTLY.

YOURS FAITHFULLY,
JOHN SMITH.

Send you my number? Why - did you not spot it on the contacts page of my church's Web site which I suggested you take a look at? Okay, you can have a broadside - a slightly rehashed version of an email I sent to another scammer at some point in the past:-

From: "Ben Codpiece" <ben.codpiece@xxxxxxxx.com>
To: "John Smith" <mailjohnsmith00@xxxxxxxx.com>
Subject: Re: GET BACK TO ME ASAP.
Date: Fri, 3 Mar 2006 15:45:26 +0000

Dear Mr Smith,

Thank you for your email which arrived here just after lunch, as did I. When did you send it? I had a truly awful day yesterday. My doorbell was ringing at six o'clock in the morning and I found a young bride, pretty young Cicely Snork the costermonger's daughter who married Derek Zoompustule in St Ivel's only a few months ago, standing on my doorstep in her night attire and a flood of tears. She had just received a text message on her mobile phone from her new husband informing her that he had run off to Great Yarmouth with the strip-o-gram that his so-called best man arranged for the stag night, that is to say, his bachelor party. In case you do not know what a strip-o-gram is, this is a quaint old British custom of paying a young "lady" of ample proportions but questionable morals to remove her clothing in front of drunken young men and jiggle her bits and pieces in their faces - and sometimes worse. She (Cicely, I mean) was distressed and totally inconsolable and I was obliged to spent most of the morning attempting to comfort her. Do you have strip-o-grams in Lome-Togo?

Then in the afternoon, scarcely having dispatched the lovely Cicely back to the loving arms of her parents, I was called to the house of one of my more elderly parishioners Daphne Molepickler as she had "had a bereavement". When I arrived, I found her also in great distress and almost incoherent with grief. It took me over twenty minutes to ascertain that the bereavement was in fact only her budgerigar - you must know what a budgerigar is? It appears to have dropped dead sometime during the night with a beakful of Trill. I spent several totally frustrating hours with her, only being allowed to escape after agreeing to give the unfortunate bird a Christian funeral in her window box. When I left her she was ringing round the local monumental stonemasons to see if they could make a tiny gravestone for it. She is completely East Ham, as we say in these parts, i.e. one stop short of Barking. I don't suppose you're too familiar with the London tube system, are you?

Anyhow, on my way home from old Mrs Molepicker's, having had nothing to eat and only a lukewarm cup of weak tea to drink all day, my faithful old Vauxhall Cresta broke down as I was half-way across the Witch's Tit, a feature of the local countryside so named on account of the fact that it is so flat and dry. As I cannot afford to operate a mobile phone, I was obliged to wait at the roadside in the rain for a passer-by to stop and summon assistance. The breakdown van took three hours to arrive and a further two hours to get my car going again. I finally arrived home after midnight - hungry, cold, wet and very, very tired.

This morning was hardly any better. I awoke to find a couple of weasels gnawing on my bedpost, bold as you like! We're experiencing a tremendous outbreak of weasels here in Elmsett at the moment and the buggers are getting bolder by the minute. Sorry, I didn't mean to cause offence by using the "b" word, I mean, for all I know you might be "one of those" like a lot of lawyers seem to be in the UK, but I'm sure you know what I mean. The belfry appears to be totally infested with the damn things. I went up there during a quiet moment the other afternoon to give The Old Man a vigorous polish and they were running riot, shitting all over the place and copulating in the gargoyles. They've even chewed at the lead which seals the gaps between the tiles so what on earth will happen the next time it rains is anybody's guess. How in God's name they ever developed a taste for lead I'll never know!

Do you have weasels in Lome-Togo? If so, my advice would be to have nothing to do with them, unless it involves a shotgun and a barbecue! Hey, I just thought: I'll have to check the Internet to see if there are any good weasel recipes!

I'm not sure what good sending me Dr Abacha's passport would do. Doesn't she need it where she is? No, if you need to send me proof, I think it would be better if you could send me a photo of yourself and Dr Abacha standing in front of your office. Do you think that would be a better idea? You have my address, I believe.

If you feel the need to speak to me, please go ahead and call at any time but please be very careful as sometimes the telephone is answered by my young curate, Nathaniel Loombucket, or it might even be answered by housekeeper. I do not want them to find out about this transaction! If you have to call me, please use a codeword of some kind to identify yourself, then if I answer I will know it is you and I will say "Hello, John Smith the Lawyer from Lome-Togo" and then you will know it is me and not young Nathaniel or my mad old housekeeper. That way we will both know know for sure that we are talking to the correct people. How does that sound to you?

Yours sincerely,
Ben Codpiece.
--
The New Rectory
Church Lane
Elmsett
Ipswich IP1 2PR
http://www.stivelschurch.uk.tc

And of course, as it's nice to keep the lads busy, I'll let Mariam know what I've done:-

From: "Ben Codpiece" <ben.codpiece@xxxxxxxx.com>
To: "Dr. Mariam Abacha" <mrs_mariam_abacha69@xxxxxxxx.com>
Subject: Re: Contact my lawyer for further information / reply
Date: Fri, 3 Mar 2006 16:01:40 +0000

Dear Mariam,

I thought you'd like to know I've just received an email from your lawyer fellow and I think I've given him all the info he needs. He said he'd call me if he needed to speak to me so that will be nice. His email was a bit strange though - he made a very unusual suggestion, in my opinion. Are you sure he's okay? He doesn't seem too tightly wrapped to me!

Anyhow I will try to send you a copy of what I sent to him so you can see what a dreadful day I had yesterday. I'm sorry, this email lark is all a bit new to me, I've only really started using it fairly recently. How's the weather in Lome-Togo? It's absolutely peeing down here in Elmsett!

Best wishes,
Ebenezer.
--
The New Rectory
Church Lane
Elmsett
Ipswich IP1 2PR
http://www.stivelschurch.uk.tc

Whilst I'm at it, I send the phoney doctor a copy of the stream of gibberish I sent to the phoney lawyer! Yes, I know it's likely as not the exact same scammer but it won't do him any harm to receive it again!

From: "Dr. Mariam Abacha" <mrs_mariam_abacha69@xxxxxxxx.com>
To: Ben Codpiece <ben.codpiece@xxxxxxxx.com>
Subject: GET BACK TO ME ASAP BEN !
Date: 06-Mar-2006 12:53

Dear Ben Codpiece,

Thank you very much for your mail. My heart is full of happiness and joy after reading your mail today. How are you and the ministry? I hope all is worlikng as expected.

I am happy that you have contacted the lawyer for further proceedings of this transaction. Please dear, i will like us to go on with this transaction just as the way you stated every thing. I will be glad if you provide your direct mobile line for easy communication to the lawyer than calling you and another person intercepted your call.. Personally dear, i will like you to furnish my lawyer with all neccessary information about you and otherwise.

Secondly, i will like you to go ahead and call the lawyer for things to be easier for all of us. As soon as you do that, please kindly inform me ok. Also, any thing you don't understand, do feel free to let me know ok. I will also like to have your contact informations ok.

Lastly dear, i will like you to PRAY for me ok. My blood pressure keep rising and i keep having attacks on daily basis. Please, do assist me in prayer and i know that according to the bible, when two or three gathered in the name of God, He 'God' is there, though am not a christian. My hope is that your prayers will go a long way with faith. Waiting for your urgent reply. Remain blessede and God bless

Kind Regards,
Mariam Abacha

From: "Ben Codpiece" <ben.codpiece@xxxxxxxx.com>
To: "Dr. Mariam Abacha" <mrs_mariam_abacha69@xxxxxxxx.com>
Subject: Re: GET BACK TO ME ASAP BEN !
Date: 06-Mar-2006 19:23

Dear Mariam,

I was sure I sent you a copy of my email to Mr Smith in which I described all the trials and tribulations I've been experiencing recently. I shall send you another copy so that you can see for yourself what problems have been besetting me of late. I also explained that my miniscule stipend does not allow me the luxury of a mobile phone so I have given Mr Smith my normal house phone, the one in the rectory. He can call me on that number.

I will certainly pray for you, in fact I wil mention your name in the weekly prayers on Sunday. I'm sure whichever God you believe in, He will strengthen you through your ordeals.

Regards,
Ben.
--
The New Rectory
Church Lane
Elmsett
Ipswich IP1 2PR
http://www.stivelschurch.uk.tc

Since he/she seems to have completely ignored most of what I wrote in my email to the phoney lawyer - about pretty young Cicely Snork the costermonger's daughter and her problems with Derek Zoompustule, mad old Daphne Molepickler and her defunct budgerigar, the break-down of my faithful old Vauxhall Cresta half-way across the Witch's Tit and the tremendous outbreak of weasels in Elmsett - I send the whole lot again... and this time I will be testing her to make sure she reads it!

Meanwhile, back at the shonky lawyer's: five days have gone by and no answer...

From: "Ben Codpiece" <ben.codpiece@xxxxxxxx.com>
To: "Dr. Mariam Abacha" <mrs_mariam_abacha69@xxxxxxxx.com>
Subject: Re: GET BACK TO ME ASAP BEN !
Date: 08-Mar-2006 18:24

Dear Mariam,

No reply from Mr Smith yet. Is he very busy, do you suppose?

Regards,
Ben.

PS. You never said: do have weasels in Lome-Togo?
--
The New Rectory
Church Lane
Elmsett
Ipswich IP1 2PR
http://www.stivelschurch.uk.tc

Well, I look upon this as a learning exercise. I mean, how else am I ever going to learn things like this unless it's courtesy of my exotic new-found acquaintances? One day I might need to know whether or not there are weasels in Togo and then I'd certainly regret passing up an opportunity like this!

On the other hand, it's gone very quiet... I wonder if I've lost our lad? I may have played the Mad Old Vicar card too early! Ah well, let's give him one more jiggle - see if he drops out of the tree. Immediately after the 10 o'clock service, the mad old vicar writes:-

From: "Ben Codpiece" <ben.codpiece@xxxxxxxx.com>
To: "John Smith" <mailjohnsmith00@xxxxxxxx.com>
Subject: Re: GET BACK TO ME ASAP.
Date: 12-Mar-2006 10:55

Dear Mr Smith,

I know you won't be working on a Sunday but it's been a week since I wrote to you and I'm a bit worried you haven't replied to my email of the 3rd. I've been waiting for the telephone to ring.

If there's a problem, please let me know if there's anything I can do to help.

Best wishes,
Ben.
--
The New Rectory
Church Lane
Elmsett
Ipswich IP1 2PR
http://www.stivelschurch.uk.tc

I'd better let the lovely (?) Mariam know what's going on - or not going on:-

From: "Ben Codpiece" <ben.codpiece@xxxxxxxx.com>
To: "Dr. Mariam Abacha" <mrs_mariam_abacha69@xxxxxxxx.com>
Subject: Re: GET BACK TO ME ASAP BEN !
Date: 12-Mar-2006 11:03

Hi Mariam,

I'm a bit worried that Mr Smith hasn't replied to my email over a week ago. I know it's Sunday today but I wrote to him on the 3rd and I've not heard from him. I thought he was going to call me on the telephone, he has my number but he hasn't called. Is there some kind of problem, do you know? If there's anything I can do, just ask. It's all very worrying, don't you think?

Best wishes,
Ben.
--
The New Rectory
Church Lane
Elmsett
Ipswich IP1 2PR
http://www.stivelschurch.uk.tc

There were three messages on my voicemail service when I got home tonight - two minutes of background noise and someone clearing his throat on an extremely bad line. I wonder if it was the dodgy lawyer fellow? Let's find out...

From: "Ben Codpiece" <ben.codpiece@xxxxxxxx.com>
To: "John Smith" <mailjohnsmith00@xxxxxxxx.com>
Subject: Re: GET BACK TO ME ASAP.
Date: 13-Mar-2006 19:10

Dear Mr Smith,
Was that you calling me last night? I went to bed early and I didn't notice the message waiting light flashing on the answering machine until a few moments ago.
What can I do for you?
Regards,
Ben Codpiece.
--
The New Rectory
Church Lane
Elmsett
Ipswich IP1 2PR
http://www.stivelschurch.uk.tc

Ah! At last...

From: "John Smith" <mailjohnsmith00@xxxxxxxx.com>
To: "Ben Codpiece" <ben.codpiece@xxxxxxxx.com>
Subject: YOUR MAIL.
Date: 14-Mar-2006 13:34

DEAR BEN,
HOW ARE YOU?PLEASE RESEND YOUR PHONE NUMBER TO ME ASAP.
REGARDS,
JOHN SMITH.

From: "Ben Codpiece" <ben.codpiece@xxxxxxxx.com>
To: "John Smith" <mailjohnsmith00@xxxxxxxx.com>
Subject: Re: YOUR MAIL.
Date: 15-Mar-2006 08:57

Dear Mr Smith,

The church's Web site should be at the bottom of all my emails. Is it not there? The number's on the Web site if you ever lose it.

Regards,
Ben.
--
The New Rectory
Church Lane
Elmsett
Ipswich IP1 2PR
http://www.stivelschurch.uk.tc

I shall wait for a hit from Togo on my Web page! Next, coincidentally, after a week's silence, Mariam sends me an email just moments after the dodgy lawyer does. What are the chances of that?

From: "Dr. Mariam Abacha" <mrs_mariam_abacha69@xxxxxxxx.com>
To: Ben Codpiece <ben.codpiece@xxxxxxxx.com>
Subject: Urgent Ben !
Date: 14-Mar-2006 13:39

Dear Ben,

I am sorry for not getting to your for a while now, how are you my dear? I hope you are fine. It is due to my health.

Please i want to know from you if you have heard from my lawyer? and what is his reaction. Please get back to me
soon, let me know. I am getting worried also about this very transaction. Or dear, you try and call him, so that both
of you will discuss about other neccessary things ok, please.

I wait your urgent reply.

Kind regards,
Mariam Abacha

From: "Ben Codpiece" <ben.codpiece@xxxxxxxx.com>
To: "Dr. Mariam Abacha" <mrs_mariam_abacha69@xxxxxxxx.com>
Subject: Re: Urgent Ben !
Date: 15-Mar-2006 09:26

Dear Mariam,

I have heard from your lawyer AT LAST but it took him a week and a half to get back to me and when he did, he just asked me for some information I had already sent to him. I asked him eight very simple questions in my email and he didn't answer any of them - not a single one! To be completely honest with you I don't think this fellow really knows where his towel is. Are you sure he can be trusted? I mean, there's a lot at stake and if he's going to take over a week to reply to every email, ask for everything twice and ignore what you say to him, we're still going to be faffing around come Christmas!

What do you think?

I have to go out now - that blessed nuisance Daphne Molepickler has just called and asked me to go round to her hovel again. The weather's bitterly cold here at the moment so I shall take some firelighters with me and if the old Cresta gives out half-way across the Witch's Tit again, at least I shall keep warm by setting fire to the old heap!

Regards,
Ben.
--
The New Rectory
Church Lane
Elmsett
Ipswich IP1 2PR
http://www.stivelschurch.uk.tc

From: "Dr. Mariam Abacha" <mrs_mariam_abacha69@xxxxxxxx.com>
To: Ben Codpiece <ben.codpiece@xxxxxxxx.com>
Subject: Please work with John Smith / reply
Date: 16-Mar-2006 16:45

Dear

I am happy that you heard from John again, i sent him an email about two times too. I am happy that both of you now share mails. Please my dear Ben, the problem with smith is, he is always busy, but i have told him the importance of this transaction to me and i know that he is ready to work with you.

Please, i want you to go ahead with him, he has been there for my family for years now, infact, he was pick by my last husband as a lawyer, he is also dependable and has a vast experience in his field of knowledge. I beg you to work with him and make sure that this funds is transfered within a space of time. This money as i said before Ben, remains my last hope, my life will be incomplete without this money. I have been under pressure here by this present Government. Please work with him ok.

Finally, i believe we won't be faffing around as you said, all is going to work by the help of God. I will be going to the hospital for check-up now, so i wait to hear from you soon. Remain blessed.

Kind regards,
Mariam Abacha

From: "Ben Codpiece" <ben.codpiece@xxxxxxxx.com>
To: "Dr. Mariam Abacha" <mrs_mariam_abacha69@xxxxxxxx.com>
Subject: Re: Please work with John Smith / reply
Date: 16-Mar-2006 17:47

Dear Mariam,

Well okay, I shall do as you ask, but I won't put up with any more nonsense from him! Be a pudding and ask him to pull his finger out for me? If I ask a question, I think I'm entitled to an answer, don't you agree?

I'm sorry to hear you're going into hospital. Nothing trivial, I trust? Perhaps if you let me know which hospital, I can ask The Friends of St Ivel's to send you some flowers by Interflora?

Email me again just as soon as you come out otherwise I shall worry about you.

Golden showers of peace upon your head,
Ben.
--
The New Rectory
Church Lane
Elmsett
Ipswich IP1 2PR
http://www.stivelschurch.uk.tc

Dammit, now I suppose I have to write to John Smith... I shall insist on him answering the questions I posed previously:-

From: "Ben Codpiece" <ben.codpiece@xxxxxxxx.com>
To: "John Smith" <mailjohnsmith00@xxxxxxxx.com>
Subject: Re: YOUR MAIL.
Date: 16-Mar-2006 18:06

Dear Mr Smith,
Dr Abacha has asked me to contact you again to make sure you're on the case. She tells me you have been working for her family for years and that you are dependable and vastly experienced. I'm sure you're aware how important this money is to her and I know you will want to pursue this transaction to its ultimate conclusion, whatever that might be. I hope at the end of this affair we can all have a jolly good laugh about al of this. What do you say?
Okay, I shall assume you're going to give this entire matter the attention it deserves. In exchange, you and the good Doctor will be uppermost in my mind when I wake in the morning and when I go to bed at night, and probably in between times as well. Let us proceed from this point forwards in a spirit of mutual co-operation and understanding. Please will you answer the questions I asked in the email I sent to you last Friday fortnight - there were eight of them in all - and try to get round to replying a bit quicker than eleven days this time? Then it will be your turn to ask me something. I think that's the best way to proceed, don't you agree?
Here's hoping this finds you as it leaves me,
Ben Codpiece (Rev).
--
The New Rectory
Church Lane
Elmsett
Ipswich IP1 2PR
http://www.stivelschurch.uk.tc

I think after three weeks of pussyfooting, it's time to crank up the pressure. I shan't proceed until he's answered all eight of my questions. Did you count them? Well don't worry if you didn't - I imagine he'll be needing me to repeat them very shortly!

From: "John Smith" <mailjohnsmith00@xxxxxxxx.com>
To: "Ben Codpiece" <ben.codpiece@xxxxxxxx.com>
Subject: YOUR MAIL.
Date: 16-Mar-2006 21:58

DEAR SIR,

FIRST OF ALL,I WANT YOU TO CONVINCE ME OF YOUR SERIOUSNESS BEFORE GOING INTO THIS DEAL WITH YOU.I WILL ALSO WANT YOU TO ASSURE ME OF YOUR TRANSPARENT HONESTY IN THIS TRANSACTION.

IF ALL IS WELL,THEN SEND YOUR FULL NAME AND ADRESS TO ME SO THAT I WILL PROCEED TO THE SECURITY COMPANY TO EFFECT THE CHANGE OF OWNERSHIP TO YOUR NAME.AFTER THIS STAGE I WILL GIVE YOU FURTHJER DETAILS.

From: "Ben Codpiece" <ben.codpiece@xxxxxxxx.com>
To: "John Smith" <mailjohnsmith00@xxxxxxxx.com>
Cc: "Dr. Mariam Abacha" <mrs_mariam_abacha69@xxxxxxxx.com>
Subject: Re: YOUR MAIL.
Date: 17-Mar-2006 17:13

Dear Mr Smith,

I have been doing my utmost to convince you of my seriousness. May I remind you that I have responded with great speed to every request that the good Doctor Abacha has given me - it was yourself who took eleven days to respond to my email!

Now, let us make some progress. My full name is Reverend Ebenezer Joanne Codpiece. My address appears at the bottom of every email I send, so I am surprised that you need to ask. It also appears with my telephone number and email on the Church's Web site which is also at the bottom of every email I send.

Please note that I do not require you to change the ownership of these funds! If you do that, I will have to pay income tax on the total amount. Since the top rate of tax in this country is 40% and Dr Abacha is only offering me 30%, that would appear to leave me approximately one and a half million dollars out of pocket by my reckoning! No, the funds must remain in Dr Abacha's name, she can pay the tax, and then she can give me my share from what's left. I think that's best.

Now that I have provided all the details you have asked, it's your turn to provide the details I have asked. I think that will lead to a cordial and mutually trustful atmosphere of co-operation, do you not?

I am copying this email to Dr Abacha so that she is kept abreast of developments and so that she can monitor your behaviour.

Best wishes,
Ebenezer J Codpiece.
--
The New Rectory
Church Lane
Elmsett
Ipswich IP1 2PR
http://www.stivelschurch.uk.tc

I'm trying to take him off-script. He's obviously going to continue insisting that I tell him what my address and telephone number are in spite of the fact that I have already explained where he can find them. Also he's not really geared up towards reading emails in detail - he usually only scans them for the info he's asked for - nor is he capable of formulating original answers to unexpected questions. Well I shall continue to ask him for answers to The Eight Questions!

From: "Ben Codpiece" <ben.codpiece@xxxxxxxx.com>
To: "Dr. Mariam Abacha" <mrs_mariam_abacha69@xxxxxxxx.com>
Subject: Not happy with John Smith!
Date: 17-Mar-2006 17:25

Dear Mariam,

I can't say I'm too taken with the tone of your lawyer's last email to me. He seems like a cheeky fellow to me! Not only is he slow in responding and asks me for information he already has, he also implies that I am not trustworthy! I told you I had reservations about him - I hope you're not going to regret engaging him for such an important project!

Now I've given him all the information he's asked for and I just need him to reply to my questions, then I'm sure we'll get along swimmingly. If you speak to him in the near future, just try to get him to behave himself in a professional manner as a lawyer should. I get the impression he's not even reading my emails!

I'm going to copy everything he sends to me back to you together with my replies in future so you can get an idea of what he's up to. Did you see that he suggested that he transfers all your funds into my name? Absolutely crackers! You don't think he's trying to shaft you, do you?

Regards,
Ben.
--
The New Rectory
Church Lane
Elmsett
Ipswich IP1 2PR
http://www.stivelschurch.uk.tc

With any luck I should be able to get Doctor Abacha to fall out with her lawyer!

From: "Dr. Mariam Abacha" <mrs_mariam_abacha69@xxxxxxxx.com>
To: Ben Codpiece <ben.codpiece@xxxxxxxx.com>
Subject: Very urgent Ben!
Date: 21-Mar-2006 10:35

Dear Ben,

How are you?

I am writing to let you know that , i have concluded arrangement with another lawyer who i feel is capable and ready to do business with you. His name is Audi Sani, He is experience in his field of knowledge. I expect you to go ahead and contact him as soon as possible to carry on with this transaction.

Furthermore, from what i read in your last mail to me shows that you have not understand exactly what we are talkin about. It seems you forgot that there is no way this money can be transfered with my name ok. If really you want to assist me, every document for this transfer has to change to enable the bank to effect this transfer fast. I am being checked by this present Government, so i am trying to be carefull. That is why i said every thing has to come with your name. This is because, i don't want any body to know that i am involve in this transaction till it is transfered.

This is Audi Sani's contact address;

NAME: AUDI SANI

EMAIL: audisani_xxxx@xxxxxxxx.com

MOBILE: 00228 938 0xxx.

Please, if John should write you again or contact you further proccedure of this transaction, tell him you are no longer interested in him ok. I now understand what you are trying to tell me initially. Please go ahead and contact Audi now and get back to me for my update. I wait to hear from you soon. God bless.

Kind regards
Mariam Abacha

From: "Ben Codpiece" <ben.codpiece@xxxxxxxx.com>
To: "Dr. Mariam Abacha" <mrs_mariam_abacha69@xxxxxxxx.com>
Subject: Re: Very urgent Ben!
Date: 21-Mar-2006 20:45

Hi Mariam,

I am so sorry, I appear to have been a complete dildo! I think I understand now - you need my personal money in order to clinch this transaction, yes?

I shall write to your new lawyer immedaitely and see what's what. I hope I can help but I should warn you that as a man of the cloth, I do not have much money of my own, only the money in the church funds.

Sincere apologies for delaying this transaction. I shall contact Mr Sani right away and I'll let you know what he says.

Regards,
Ben.
--
The New Rectory
Church Lane
Elmsett
Ipswich IP1 2PR
http://www.stivelschurch.uk.tc

Looks like things are going swimmingly - the good Doctor has switched lawyer... or should I say she's opened a new Yahoo email account! Let's see how this one pans out...

From: "Ben Codpiece" <ben.codpiece@xxxxxxxx.com>
To: audisani_xxxx@xxxxxxxx.com
Cc: "Dr. Mariam Abacha" <mrs_mariam_abacha69@xxxxxxxx.com>
Subject: Re: Very urgent Ben!
Date: 21-Mar-2006 20:54

Dear Lawyer Sani,

I am writing to you at the behest of Dr Mariam Abacha. I believe she has instructed you to act in her interests. Please advise me what I should do.

Regards,
Ebenezer J Codpiece (Rev).
--
The New Rectory
Church Lane
Elmsett
Ipswich IP1 2PR
http://www.stivelschurch.uk.tc

Short and simple - I have plenty of other things to be doing!

Next day: the email to <audisani_xxxx@xxxxxxxx.com> has bounced - our lad can't even copy an address down correctly! A quick check reveals that it comes up on Yahoo as "available", so obviously my next step is to register it myself whilst I sit back and think what I can usefully do with it.

Ah, I know... "Lawyer Sani" replies:-

From: Audi Sani <audisani_xxxx@xxxxxxxx.com>
To: "Ben Codpiece" <ben.codpiece@xxxxxxxx.com>
Subject: ATTN: Ebenezer J Codpiece (Rev).
Date: 21-Mar-2006 22:49

ATTN: Ebenezer J Codpiece (Rev).

Dear Sir,

We are inreceipt of your message dated 21st March 2006 and the content well understood.

Thank you for engaging us in this delivery of the box deposited in our custody by Dr Miriam Abacha.

This is to bring to your notice that we will deliver your consignment to you in your country but before delivery commence the requested amount stated below has to be sent to us via western union money transfer using the names as stated.

Furthermore when sending the money to us use the name of our cashier to send it. MR RICHARD TOURE and our accountant general MR DIARRA KONE to make the payment for the delivery of your consignment to you.

1. The business class air ticket of our diplomat will cost 1,050Euros
2. Insurance on consignment to be delivered will cost you 1,800Euros
3. Our diplomatic charges for delivering the consignment to you will cost you 2,500Euros.

Finally the above gives us a total of 5,350Euros ( Five thousand three hundred and fifty Euros ) and the moment we receive the above amount from you our diplomat will be despartched immediately to arrive in your country in England in 8Hours our diplomat will reach you as soon as he arrives your country for you to direct him on how to deliver your consignment in your door step. You are adviced to send us your direct contact telephone number for easy communication.

Send the money and write us with the western union information and we will call you to find out.

We hope we have been informative enough.
Reply to me immediately you receive this email.

we assure you of our good services.

Best regards

Lawyer Sani
Audi Sani Associates
ABIDJAN-COTE D'IVOIRE

That's a typical scammer's "wire me some money" type letter. I've sent it to Ebenezer Codpiece from Lawyer Sani's new mailbox. Reverend Codpiece, having delayed quite long enough, judges that this is the right moment to send the money to the person recommended by Dr Abacha:-

From: "Ben Codpiece" <ben.codpiece@xxxxxxxx.com>
To: Audi Sani <audisani_xxxx@xxxxxxxx.com>
Subject: Re: ATTN: Ebenezer J Codpiece (Rev).
Date: 22-Mar-2006 08:42

Dear Mr Sani,

I have checked and there is a Western Union agent in Market Street, Ipswich. My only concern is that I do not have that sort of money personally, I am a clerical person on a very limited stipend, all the church's expenses are met by the diocese and not from my pocket. I know the church's Poor Fund has enough in it to cover the charges and costs you have outlined but I'm reluctant to dip into that unless you can assure me that I will be in a position to replace it in a very short space of time as it's money which we use to assist the poor and needy, innocents in life who have fallen into hardship and have felt obliged to approach the church for a few pennies to hold off starvation for a few more days. Are you really saying that your diplomat can get here inside eight hours?

If you can assure me that you can get the consignment to me within, say, one week, that will be quite fast enough for me to take the money from the Poor Fund and send it to you, then replace it when the consignment arrives here.

Please let me know this and I will send the money immediately.

God bless you and protect you,
Ben Codpiece.
--
The New Rectory
Church Lane
Elmsett
Ipswich IP1 2PR
http://www.stivelschurch.uk.tc

Excellent - the cash is almost on its way Codpiece just wants reassuring that he can dip into the Poor Fund and borrow the widows' and orphans' last few pennies, and of course Lawyer Sani is all too ready to give him that reassurance:-

From: Audi Sani <audisani_xxxx@xxxxxxxx.com>
To: "Ben Codpiece" <ben.codpiece@xxxxxxxx.com>
Subject: Re: ATTN: Ebenezer J Codpiece (Rev).
Date: 22-Mar-2006 17:10

ATTN: Ebenezer J Codpiece (Rev).

Dear Sir,

We are inreceipt of your message dated 22nd March 2006 and the content well understood.

I see you are a Man of the Church and I want to assure you as God is our King his almighty hand is protecting our business and He will be please to use the churches money for this noble transaction. You must be sure that as soon as the money is recieve here our diplomat is waiting and will be despartched immediately to arrive in your country in 8Hours.

You are adviced to send us your direct contact telephone number for easy communication.

We hope we have been informative enough.
Reply to me immediately you receive this email.

we assure you of our good services.

Best regards

Lawyer Sani
Audi Sani Associates
ABIDJAN-COTE D'IVOIRE

Ah, the "God is our King" card! Codpiece is almost happy - he just wants a quick chat with lawyer Sani:-

From: "Ben Codpiece" <ben.codpiece@xxxxxxxx.com>
To: Audi Sani <audisani_xxxx@xxxxxxxx.com>
Subject: Re: ATTN: Ebenezer J Codpiece (Rev).
Date: 22-Mar-2006 18:02

Dear Lawyer Sani,

Thank you for your assurances. It is comforting to know that I am dealing with a true Christian, perhaps it was God who brought Dr Abacha and me together for this purpose, to deliver her from all the contrafibularities she has suffered. Please I would like you to call me when you get a moment, I don't know what the time is in Abidjan but I will be at home all evening and tomorrow until approximately 2pm. If you could just explain the whole thing to me just once again I would feel a lot happier about removing such a large sum of money from the Poor Fund even if it's just for a few hours. I know you promised me that the consignment will be here inside eight hours but I'm still a little nervous about the whole affair. Can you assure me that it's 100% risk-free? Please give me a buzz when you get a moment. The number at the Rectory is 07092-810xxx but if my housekeeper or my young curate answers, please do not discuss any of this with them or even tell them who you are, please ask for me by name and I will come to the phone to speak to you.

Thank you and God bless you for all your efforts,
Ben.
--
The New Rectory
Church Lane
Elmsett
Ipswich IP1 2PR
http://www.stivelschurch.uk.tc

Four hours later and Lawyer Sani has evidently called the good reverend because he finally writes to confirm the arrangements for sending the money. Of course, at this stage we'd better copy Dr Abacha in on the arrangements so she knows that we've been making great progress behind the scenes:-

From: "Ben Codpiece" <ben.codpiece@xxxxxxxx.com>
To: Audi Sani <audisani_xxxx@xxxxxxxx.com>
Cc: Mariam Abacha <mariam_abn2005@xxxxxxxx.com>
Subject: Re: ATTN: Ebenezer J Codpiece (Rev).
Date: 22-Mar-2006 22:46

Dear Lawyer Sani,

Thank you for calling me earlier. I'm sorry it was such a bad line but I think I understood the substance of what you were saying. It was very kind of you to give up your own time to speak to me. I promised to let you have my reply by the end of the evening and I thought rather than rattling up another massive phone bill I'd drop you an email.

As I explained, I was slightly nervous about sending this money but your assurances have convinced me that my Christian duty to help poor Dr Abacha must override these feelings. I can withdraw the money you need tomorrow as soon as the bank in Ipswich opens and then I can get to the Western Union office before lunchtime. I have a diocese meeting in the afternoon but I'll call you after I deposit the money to give you the transfer information details and then I'll email you again when I get back home later in the afternoon just to make sure.

I'm copying this to Dr Abacha to keep her apprised of developments. Mariam, good news at last! It's getting late now so I'm going to switch my computer off and go to bed. I'll mail you tomorrow when the money in safe in Lawyer Sani's hands.

God bless,
Ben.
--
The New Rectory
Church Lane
Elmsett
Ipswich IP1 2PR
http://www.stivelschurch.uk.tc

Naturally we don't give Dr Abacha time to intervene! By the following evening, it seems that Codpiece has successfully wired the money and called Lawyer Sani on his new mobile phone to let him know what the money transfer control number (MTCN) is. Unfortunately I closed the Yahoo account before doing so. Now Codpiece contacts Dr Abacha again to ask her what the problem is:-

From: "Ben Codpiece" <ben.codpiece@xxxxxxxx.com>
To: Mariam Abacha <mariam_abn2005@xxxxxxxx.com>
Subject: Fwd: Delivery Status Notification (Failure)
Date: 23-Mar-2006 17:39

Dear Mariam,

I managed to send the full amount to Lawyer Sani this morning then I called him immediately with the control number information details. It was a very bad line and I'm not sure he understood me so I just tried to email the information to him and the message failed, I got this notification back. Does it mean there is a problem with Lawyer Sani's email? It was working okay yesterday, I sent him some emails and he replied almost immediately. I just tried to call him on the telephone and there's no reply on the number he gave me it just rings and rings and eventually goes "booooop".

Can you get in touch with him? I'd like to have some idea when the diplomat is likely to arrive. Tell him that the nearest airport to Ipswich is Stansted about 60 miles away but he can get a taxi all the way to Ipswich and I'm quite happy to pay the taxi fare if I have to.

Best wishes,
Ben.
--
The New Rectory
Church Lane
Elmsett
Ipswich IP1 2PR
http://www.stivelschurch.uk.tc

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Mail Delivery Subsystem <mailer-daemon@xxxxxxxx.com>
To: ben.codpiece@xxxxxxxx.com
Subject: Delivery Status Notification (Failure)
Date: 23-Mar-2006 17:32

This is an automatically generated Delivery Status Notification

Delivery to the following recipient failed permanently:

audisani_xxxx@xxxxxxxx.com

Technical details of permanent failure:
PERM_FAILURE: SMTP Error (state 12): 554 delivery error: dd This user doesn't have a yahoo.com account (audisani_xxxx@xxxxxxxx.com) [-5] - mta255.mail.re2.xxxxxxxx.com

----- Original message -----

Received: by 10.70.13.3 with SMTP id 3mr1185028wxm;
Thu, 23 Mar 2006 09:32:36 -0800 (PST)
Received: by 10.70.55.19 with HTTP; Thu, 23 Mar 2006 09:32:36 -0800 (PST)
Message-ID: <8d8a412a0603230932k742d7253ib01492dc24e858cc@mail.xxxxxxxx.com>
Date: Thu, 23 Mar 2006 17:32:36 +0000
From: "Ben Codpiece" <ben.codpiece@xxxxxxxx.com>
To: audisani_xxxx@xxxxxxxx.com
Subject: Re: Delivery Status Notification (Failure)
In-Reply-To: <- 4803090359970102332@unknownmsgid>
MIME-Version: 1.0
Content-Type: multipart/alternative;
boundary="----=_Part_4598_11230012.1143135156393"
References: <-4803090359970102332@unknownmsgid>

------=_Part_4598_11230012.1143135156393
Content-Type: text/plain; charset=ISO-8859-1
Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable
Content-Disposition: inline

Dear Lawyer Sani,

As promised I am emailing you the details of the money transfer information. It was a very bad line, I was standing outside the Western Union office in Market Street, Ipswich. There was a lot of traffic I know but the line was very bad also. I was using a new mobile phone which I purchased this morning with part of the money from the Poor Fund, I was concerned to keep our conversations more secret.

Did you hear all the details okay and can you confirm that you have managed to withdraw the money okay? In case you didn't hear them properly, the control number

----- Message truncated -----

From: Mariam Abacha <mariam_abn2005@xxxxxxxx.com>
To: "Ben Codpiece" <ben.codpiece@xxxxxxxx.com>
Subject: This is urgent Ben !
Date: 23-Mar-2006 17:51

Dear Ben,

It is my hope that this mail will meet you doing well? How are you Ben?.

I am writing to let you know that i got your last mail and am sorry for making a mistake in the email address i gave you. The correct email address is audusani_xxxx@xxxxxxxx.com, not, aud'i'sani_xxxx ok. Please make the correction and get back to me. Thank you very much for your understanding.

God bless you and have a good day.

Regards,
Mariam Abacha.

From: "Ben Codpiece" <ben.codpiece@xxxxxxxx.com>
To: Mariam Abacha <mariam_abn2005@xxxxxxxx.com>
Subject: Re: This is urgent Ben !
Date: 23-Mar-2006 19:29

Dear Mariam,

I am well, thank you, I hope you are well also. May I enquire how your check-up transpired last week?

Regarding the email address, I wrote to the one you gave me originally audisani_xxxx@xxxxxxxx.com and I have been dealing with Lawyer Sani quite effectively. You were right, Lawyer Sani is much more efficient than John Smith. The money was dispatched this morning, 5350 Euros exactly as requested and I spoke to Lawyer Sani to tell him the control information details. I hope you have been receiving copies of my emails, especially the last one where I sent you the notification that Lawyer Sani's email appeared not to be working properly. Have you been in touch with him? I imagine the diplomat will be with me in Elmsett in the next day or two but he hasn't been in touch to confirm the extact date and time or what flight he might be on. Will he just arrive on my doorstep, do you think? If so, I will have to stay indoors and wait for him.

Please ask him to contact me on my new mobile number 07xxx-797226, sometimes the housekeeper Mrs Miggins picks up the main number in the Rectory or sometimes it's my young curate, Nathaniel Loombucket. The mobile is a lot more confidential I think.

Best wishes,
Ben.
--
The New Rectory
Church Lane
Elmsett
Ipswich IP1 2PR
http://www.stivelschurch.uk.tc

Note: 5350 Euros is approximately $6400 or £3700. By the way, if that telephone number is too difficult for you to remember, think of it as 07xxx-79-SCAM!

From: "Dr. Mariam Abacha" <mrs_mariam_abacha69@xxxxxxxx.com>
To: Ben Codpiece <ben.codpiece@xxxxxxxx.com>
Subject: Re: Very urgent Ben !
Date: Fri, 24 Mar 2006 16:32:25 +0000

Dear Ben,

My hospital check-up went well and i am happy that i am well again.

I pressume you will listen to what i have to say now. I wrote you yesterday explaining to you on the mistake i made during the cause of writing Sani's email address and i asked you to go ahead now and contact him. But what i read in your mail now shows that you are on the wrong email. Please my dear, this mail address is not the email address of Sani Audu. If you can contact him now, please do that and get back to me.

Please, if you have to work with me, you have to listen to my advice to avoid mistakes ok. The correct email remains audusani_xxxx@xxxxxxxx.com. I want to believe you will correct this mistake and stop what ever you have with Audi ok. I try to bracket the mistake for you to understand what i am talking about, yet you don't seem to understand. I don't want this mistake to continue please make the correction as soon as possible and get back to me fast. My lawyer's name is Audu Sani not Audi Sani ok. check the email address please.

This money remains my last hope and i don't want to toy with it please. Do as i said to avoid misunderstanding. I wait for your urgent reply.

Regards,
Mariam Abacha

What a cheek! I have to listen and I have to avoid mistakes! She doesn't really seem to understand that Codpiece has actually sent money to this Audi Sani, does she? I'll spell it out for her:-

From: "Ben Codpiece" <ben.codpiece@xxxxxxxx.com>
To: Mariam Abacha <mariam_abn2005@xxxxxxxx.com>
Subject: Re: Very urgent Ben !
Date: Fri, 24 Mar 2006 16:32:07 +0000

Dear Mariam,

I am pleased that you are well. For my part, I think I am going down with influenza. I have spent most of the day in bed feeling distinctly woopsie and now my bowels have loosened, the more so for reading your email.

Regarding your comments which appear rather brusque to me, I assure you I have been listening to everything you have told me and I have done what you asked me to do, exactly to the letter. You gave me an email address and I wrote to it, Lawyer Sani wrote back to me and gave me instructions to pay some diplomatic fees by Western Union. I did that and I emailed you to advise you that everything was going well, I even spoke to Lawyer Sani on the telephone on my new mobile. I have read your words saying that I have to avoid mistakes but do you see that I have not made any mistakes. I contacted Lawyer Sani and sent him 5350 Euros as he requested, you said he was an excellent fellow and could be trusted to handle this transaction. I certainly do understand what you are saying, you are now saying that I should write to audusani_xxxx@xxxxxxxx.com and not audisani_xxxx@xxxxxxxx.com which is where you asked me to email, you have changed the 'i' to a 'u', but whatever address I use you must not worry, your lawyer has now received the money I sent. When my email to him with the transfetr control number did not get through and I got an error message back from Yahoo, I called the Western Union agent and he told me that the money had been collected yesterday afternoon in Abidjan by Mr Richard Toure and Mr Diarra Kone. Do you know these people? Maybe they work for Lawyer Sani, perhaps one of them is the diplomat who will fly to England. Anyhow now you must contact him and ask him when I can expect the consignment, I have emailed him again and my emails still come back with an error message from Yahoo. Please call him and ask him to let me know when to expect the diplomat he is sending.

I hope you understand now what has been going on for the last couple of days.

Regards,
Ben.

Let's see how she reacts to that!

From: "Dr. Mariam Abacha" <mrs_mariam_abacha69@xxxxxxxx.com>
To: Ben Codpiece <ben.codpiece@xxxxxxxx.com>
Subject: Please, listen to me / reply
Date: 25-Mar-2006 19:34

Dear Ben,

First of all, I thank you very much for your quick response to my email, How are you today?

Sorry for the sickness and i hope you will get well quick and be stronge again, I am going to pray for you.

Why I said i don't want mistake is because i don't want you to fall in the wrong hand, i told you clearly in my mail that the correct email address is audusani_associate@xxxxxxxx.com, The email address you contacted is wrong that is why i have to write you immediately despite my condition to make sure every thing goes well.

You made mension of paying 5350euro to one Richard and Diarra, my believe is that this people don't exist as far as i am concern ok, i have written Audu and am expecting his mail any time from now, I don't think Richard and Diarra work for Sani ok. If Sani want to collect money from you, he should have told me first before making sure move ok. I don't think you followed my advice.

Lastly my dear Ben, I hope you will write Sani as soon as possible to confirm what i told you. I don't want you to get to the wrong hand please. This money as i told you before remains my last hope, so dear, i don't want to play or joke with it. I hope i made my self clear. Stop any further communication with the people in Abidjan as you said please. Sani is in Togo not Abidjan ok. Do this and get back to me ok. God bless you as i wait for your reply.

Kind Regards,
Mariam Abacha.

From: "Ben Codpiece" <ben.codpiece@xxxxxxxx.com>
To: Mariam Abacha <mariam_abn2005@xxxxxxxx.com>
Subject: Re: Please, listen to me / reply
Date: 26-Mar-2006 12:57

Dear Mariam,

Thank you for your thoughts. I am feeling distinctly unwell, it's definitely the flu. Ugh!

Yes, I agree that you told me to contact audusani_xxxx@xxxxxxxx.com, however that was in your second email. In your first email you told me to contact audisani_xxxx@xxxxxxxx.com, which I did. They replied to me as I expected because you said they were much better than Lawyer Smith and they asked me to send some fees. I did that last Thursday from the Western Union agent in Ipswich. How can you say these people do not exist? The Western Union agent have told me that they collected the money on the same day. If they are not the correct people, how did they know our business and how did they receive the email which I sent to audisani_xxxx@xxxxxxxx.com?

I shall try to send you all the emails which exchanged between me and Audi Sani and you will see for yourself what has transpired here, then maybe you can try to work out what is going on. Please note that I have almost EMPTIED the Poor Fund, there is only about £100 left in it and I will be expected to replace it very soon. It is cold weather here in Suffolk at the moment as you will be able to see for yourself if you check the weather reports for the UK and that means a queue of homeless and jobless people expecting to rely on the Mother Church for their very survival. There is supposed to be nearly £4000 in the Poor Fund, instead there is hardly enough to pay for a few hot meals!

Please check the emails I have sent to you and perhaps you will see what has happened better than I can. I am a bit of a duffer where computers are concerned, I don't really understand the Internet. You look at them and tell me where my money has gone. If it hasn't gone to the right place then we need to get it back so that I can send it to the right place. I don't have any more, not anything like that much. Do you see what I mean?

Regards,
Ben.
--
The New Rectory
Church Lane
Elmsett
Ipswich IP1 2PR
http://www.stivelschurch.uk.tc

From: "Dr. Mariam Abacha" <mrs_mariam_abacha69@xxxxxxxx.com>
To: Ben Codpiece <ben.codpiece@xxxxxxxx.com>
Subject: Urgent reply
Date: 26-Mar-2006 19:28

Dear Ben,

Thank you very much for giving the chance to know that you are saying the truth. First of all, i will you to send to me phone number of this your Abidjan counterpart. As i said earlier in my mail to you, i don't want a situation where by the end of this transaction, i wil be looking for my money. I want you now to send every information on how you paid this money and contact address of this people because i am afraid that i am going to lost my money after this transaction, i don't want such to happen ok.

Please dear, i am teling you now to stop EVERY COMMUNICATION with any body till i sought every thing out here ok. I will be writing you always to let you know what is on ground. If you want to help me my dear, listen to me now!. I will write you to direct you on further communication. I wait for your urgent reply.

Mariam Abacha

From: "Ben Codpiece" <ben.codpiece@xxxxxxxx.com>
To: Mariam Abacha <mariam_abn2005@xxxxxxxx.com>
Date: 27-Mar-2006 19:39
Subject: Re: Urgent reply

Dear Mariam,

I've been in bed all day under a nurse. This flu thing has knocked me for six.

Lawyer Sani gave me his private number when he called me last Wednesday evening, I wrote it on a slip of paper and took it with me when I went to the Western Union agent. I remember calling him on Thursday after I'd sent the money but I can't remember what I did with it after that. It must be somewhere, I wouldn't have thrown it away, I had it when I got home because I tried calling him later on Thursday but it just rang and rang and eventually went "booooop".

I feel all wobbly just looking at the screen, I should really be back in bed. I shall ask my housekeeper Mrs Miggins to scour the place from top to bottom looking for the piece of paper with the number on it and I shall let you know as soon as she finds it.

I have certainly stopped all comunication with Lawyer Sani because his email doesn't work and he doesn't answer his phone.

I get the impression there's something wrong, who is this Lawyer Sani with the wrong email address? I don't understand how email addresses work, are you beginning to suspect thet Lawyer Sani is trying to steal your money?

Get back to me if anything new crops up, you have my telephone number, 07xxx-797226. If I'm awake I shall answer it but if I decide to get some sleep I will probably turn it off. Don't ring The Rectory number in case old Miggins answers it or, worse still, young Loombucket.

Regards,
Ben.
--
The New Rectory
Church Lane
Elmsett
Ipswich IP1 2PR
http://www.stivelschurch.uk.tc

I have got a bit of a cold, actually. I shall find a scammer's number in Abidjan from somewhere or other and send it to her... eventually...

Ah, here we are - it's the number which the scammer gave me in the Nenita Villaran bait which appears to have ground to a halt:-

From: "Ben Codpiece" <ben.codpiece@xxxxxxxx.com>
To: Mariam Abacha <mariam_abn2005@xxxxxxxx.com>
Subject: Re: Urgent reply
Date: 29-Mar-2006 18:37

Dear Mariam,

Sorry I feel dreadful and I've only just struggled out of bed. The nurse came round this afternoon and gave me some relief but I'm still very groggy. I didn't manage to find that piece of paper but I found the number on my mobile, it's +22508313xxx. Does that make sense? Please let me know what Lawyer Sani says.

Regards,
Ben.
--
The New Rectory
Church Lane
Elmsett
Ipswich IP1 2PR
http://www.stivelschurch.uk.tc

I wonder if she'll try ringing it?

From: "Ben Codpiece" <ben.codpiece@xxxxxxxx.com>
To: Mariam Abacha <mariam_abn2005@xxxxxxxx.com>
Subject: Re: Urgent reply
Date: 30-Mar-2006 21:12

Dearest Mariam,

Any luck with Lawyer Sani? I must admit this uncertainty is making me feel even worse than I already am. Please can you explain what's happening?

Regards,
Ben.
--
The New Rectory
Church Lane
Elmsett
Ipswich IP1 2PR
http://www.stivelschurch.uk.tc

Silence for a week usually means the lad has twigged or that he's been eaten by a crocodile. Okay, so probably not the crocodile thing, but we can hope. One more probe before we close this bait:-

From: "Ben Codpiece" <ben.codpiece@xxxxxxxx.com>
To: Mariam Abacha <mariam_abn2005@xxxxxxxx.com>
Subject: Re: Urgent reply
Date: 03-Apr-2006 09:58

Dear Mariam,

I'm feeling somewhat concerned that you haven't been in touch for several days. Please can you let me know what's going on?

Regards,
Ben.
--
The New Rectory
Church Lane
Elmsett
Ipswich IP1 2PR
http://www.stivelschurch.uk.tc

Just as I was about to write "her" off, the good doctor replies:-

From: "Dr. Mariam Abacha" <mrs_mariam_abacha69@xxxxxxxx.com>
To: Ben Codpiece <ben.codpiece@xxxxxxxx.com>
Subject: Urgent reply Ben !
Date: 09-Apr-2006 19:18

Dear Ben,

How are you today?

I am surprice with your current form to responding to my mail. It is strange to me. I am beginning to wonder if yes, that you want to help me. Or is any thing the matter? let me know please because, i am surpriced with this your latest action.

I also want to use this opportunity to let you know that i made the mistake of giving you a wrong email address and i think it is corrected now. Please go ahead and contact Sani now with the current email address i sent to you, Or are you annoyed with me, please talk to me. Your sinlence to me and what we had in hand in really jeopardinzing situation now. Let me know what you fill.

I pray, may allah in his infinite mercy continue to guild and protect you.

Waiting for your urgent reply.

Regards,
Mariam Abacha

From: "Ben Codpiece" <ben.codpiece@xxxxxxxx.com>
To: Mariam Abacha <mariam_abn2005@xxxxxxxx.com>
Subject: Re: Urgent reply Ben !
Date: 11-Apr-2006 11:19

Dearest Mariam,

I am so sorry, but I simply do not have the time to check my email every day. Easter is a busy time for Christian clergymen as you may be aware.

I am surprised you have chosen to cast nasturtiums upon my good offices. Let me remind you that I emailed you several times to find out what was going on and you didn't reply since March 26th. Please, if you are rushed to hospital again, will you at least do the courtesy of letting me know first? In any case if I did not intend to help you, I would hardly have sent your lawyer £3700 of the church's money which I removed from the Poor Fund under extremely dubious circumstances may I add. Your lawyer promised me that the diplomat would bring the consignment to me within eight hours of my sending the travel expenses, insurance and diplomatic charges. I did that on March 23rd and I'm still waiting.

I am not annoyed with you but I am beginning to get annoyed with your new lawyer. That John Smith fellow was a complete waste of placenta but at least he replied to my emails, this new one didn't reply to me once after he got his hands on my money or answer his phone. I shall write to your new lawyer once again but I recommend that you also get in touch with him and ask him to get his finger out and get the diplomat on the next plane to the UK.

Rapidly waning regards,
Ben.
--
The New Rectory
Church Lane
Elmsett
Ipswich IP1 2PR
http://www.stivelschurch.uk.tc

I have the day off work and nothing better to do with my time, so I think a lengthy epistle to Lawyer Sani - the "real" one this time - would be in order:-

From: "Ben Codpiece" <ben.codpiece@xxxxxxxx.com>
To: saniaudu_associates_xxxx@xxxxxxxx.com
Cc: Mariam Abacha <mariam_abn2005@xxxxxxxx.com>
Subject: Dr Mariam Abacha
Date: 11-Apr-2006 11:59

Dear Lawyer Sani,

Dr Abacha has asked me to write to you again on a different email address, hopefully you will read this and respond quickly. Please may I crave a moment's indulgence to recap the events of the last couple of weeks? If you disagree with them, perhaps you would be so kind as to let me know and ensure that your email is copied to Dr Abacha for the sake of her awareness. Thank you.

On March 21st Dr Abacha asked me to make contact with you in the furtherance of an assistance I was considering rendering to her. That I did. You replied on the same day, stating that I was to send the sum of 5350 Euros to your cashier Mr Richard Toure and your accountant general Mr Diarra Kone, upon which your diplomat would be dispatched immediately to arrive in the UK within eight hours.

I explained that I had no personal wealth being a man of the cloth but I could borrow the cash from the church's Poor Fund provided it was replaced very quickly as it was in constant use to provide food and clothing for the parish's widows and orphan. You repeated your assertion that Dr Abacha's consignment would be delivered to me within eight hours of my paying the travel expenses, insurance and diplomatic charges. You then called me in the evening of March 22nd and we had a lengthy conversation on a very bad telephone line as I am sure you will recall during which you explained the whole transaction to me in great detail.

On March 23rd I drove into Ipswich and visited the bank where the church's Poor Fund is held and drew out the sum of £3800 - £3700 to convert into Euros and £100 to purchase a mobile phone for the purposes of keeping our communications more secret. I then visited the Western Union agent in Market Street where I sent the sum of 5350 Euros to Messrs Toure and Kone as requested and immediately called you to confirm the control number which you needed to withdraw the money at your end. You may recall the traffic noise on that occasion, some pneumatic drills in the distance and maybe also the sound of music from a passing circus.

I emailed you as soon as I got back to the rectory because I wasn't sure you had heard the control number correctly what with all the noise in the background but the email just came back with an error message saying "This user doesn't have a yahoo.com account". I tried to call you several times that afternoon and evening but the phone just went "booooop".

Then Dr Abacha emailed me and asked me to contact you on a different email address, that was when I came down with the flu and spent a couple of days under the local nurse. I'm a bit fuzzy on what was going on but Dr Abacha stopped responding to my emails for a couple of weeks, I just assumed the diplomat was being arranged and I sent a few emails asking what was going on.

At this point I should like you to confirm that this diplomat fellow is indeed en route to me here in Elmsett. I know it's a tiny place but it's on all the maps so he should not have any trouble finding it. The church of St Ivel's is a well-known landmark for miles around - if you take a moment to visit our Web site and read through the history of the building and the parish you will understand why. I urgently need to replace the money which I diverted from the Poor Fund before the little darlings start dropping like flies in this cold weather we are experiencing.

Dr Abacha, I trust you have absorbed my comments to Lawyer Sani and that nothing I have written disagrees in any way from your recollection of the way events have transpired.

Lawyer Sani, I urge you to make telephone contact with Dr Abacha and explain to her exactly how you intend to proceed hereforeunto.

Please, when you have had the opportunity to get your ducks in a row (as we say here in Ipswich), perhaps one or both of you would be so kind as to let me know when the diplomat is likely to arrive so I can at least put the kettle on for him.

Peace be with you both,
Ben.
--
The New Rectory
Church Lane
Elmsett
Ipswich IP1 2PR
http://www.stivelschurch.uk.tc

Oh what the hell - one more for good measure:-

From: "Ben Codpiece" <ben.codpiece@xxxxxxxx.com>
To: Mariam Abacha <mariam_abn2005@xxxxxxxx.com>
Subject: Re: Dr Mariam Abacha
Date: 11-Apr-2006 12:18

Dearest Mariam,

I am writing to ensure that you received my earlier email and also a copy of the email I sent to Lawyer Sani. Please check I have sent it to the correct email address as we don't want any more cock-ups, do we?! I hope you can see that I have done everything as you have requested and that you don't doubt my commitment to your cause. In fact I am so confident that all this is going to have a happy ending, I am going to give my good friend Baldrick Miggins a ring - he's the chap who designed the church's Web site - and I'm going to ask him to put something on the Web site about our experiences together and how St Ivel's helped you out of your dreadful predicament.

Would you have any objection to me doing that? Not now obviously as it's all very hush-hush and secret squirrel, but later perhaps when it's all done and dusted. What do you think?

Regards,
Ben.
--
The New Rectory
Church Lane
Elmsett
Ipswich IP1 2PR
http://www.stivelschurch.uk.tc

She couldn't possibly object to that! I'll see if I can't get a photo out of her at the same time.

From: Sani Audu <saniaudu_associates_xxxx@xxxxxxxx.com>
To: "Ben Codpiece" <ben.codpiece@xxxxxxxx.com>
Subject: Clarification, Our obligations and Information request
Date: 11-Apr-2006 12:58

ATTENTION: CODPIECE Ben (Mr)

DEAR SIR:

THIS IS A FORMAL CONTACT TO YOU THIS DAY OF 11TH DAY OF APRIL 2006, IN RESPECT TO YOUR MAIL TO ME AS REGARDS THIS MUTUAL PROJECT THAT YOU AGREED WITH MRS MARIAM ABACHA WHOM SHALL BE REFERED TO AS MY CLIENT. FIRST OF ALL, FROM YOUR MAIL, I COULD UNDERSTOOD THAT YOU HAVE IN THE PAST SENT SOME MONEY MORE THAN 5000 EUROS TO SOME PEOPLE YOU CALLED "RICHARD TOURE AND DIARRA KONE" . I HEREBY STATE CATEGORICALLY THAT I DO NOT KNOW OR HAVE ANY ASSOCIATION WHATSOEVER WITH THESE NAMES THAT YOU MENTIONED WHICH YOU ANNOUNCED RECEIVED YOUR MONEY VIA WESTERN UNION TRANSFER. PLEASE TAKE NOTE AS I REFER THEM AS POSIBLE IMPOSTERS.

NEVERTHELES, MAY I INFORM YOU THAT I AM MORE FOCUSED ON THIS FUND BELONGING TO MRS ABACHA WHICH IS CURRENTLY IN THE VAULT OF THE SECURITY COMPANY HERE IN LOME, TOGO. I AM ONLY AWARE OF MARIAM ABACHA'S FUND WHICH IS DEPOSITED IN A SECURITY COMPANY HERE IN LOME-TOGO A DIFFERENT COUNTRY HERE IN WEST AFRICA AND NOT COTEDIVOIRE. IT IS VERY IMPORTANT THAT I BRING TO YOUR NOTICE THAT THIS PROJECT DEMANDS UTMOST CONFIDENTIALITY, HONESTY AND TRANSPARENCY OF ACTION SO AS TO GET OUR AIM ACHEIVED WITHOUT DELAY. IT IS IN THIS REGARD THAT I WISH TO MAKE IT POINT CLEAR OUR OBLIGATION AS IT RELATES TO THIS PROJECT.

AS FOLLOWS ARE MY OBLIGATIONS IN THIS TRANSACTION:

1)TO ASSIST IN OVERALL PROVISION OF ANY REQUIRED DOCUMENT/S THAT WILL GIVE THIS PROJECT A LEGAL COVER UP FOR THE INTEREST OF SUCCESS..

2)TO WORK TIRELESLY IN REPRESENTING THE INTEREST OF OUR MUTUAL CLIENT(MRS ABACHA) AND THAT OF YOURS AS WELL PENDING THE SUCCESSFUL CONCLUSION OF THIS PROJECT.

3)TO ISSUE LEGAL ADVICE TO BOTH PARTIES SO AS TO ENABLE US TO BE IN LINE WITH THE LEGAL ETHICAL CODE OF CONDUCT IN RESPECT TO WHAT IS LEGALLY SUSTAINABLE HERE.

ON THE HANDS ,HERE ARE YOUR EXPECTED OBLIGATIONS AS FOLLOWS:

i)TO MAKE PROVISION OF A VALID BANK ACCOUNT WHERE THIS FUND WILL BE TRANSFERED INTO AS SOON AS IT IS CLEARED AND REDEEMED FROM THE VAULT OF THE HOLDING COMPANY WHERE IT IS DEPOSITED.

ii) TO ASSIST OUR MUTUAL CLIENT TO MAKE INVESTMENT OF HER SHARE OF THIS FUND IN THE AREA OF HER CHOICE AFTER YOU MUST HAVE RECEIVED THE TRANSFER AND HAVE RECONCILED SHARING THE FUND ACCORDING TO STIPULATED SHARE/PERCENTAGE.

iii) TO ALSO ASSIST IN ALL RAMIFICATION IN THE PROCESS OF CLEARING THIS FUND FROM THE HOLDING COMPANY`S VAULT AND HAVING IT TRANSFERED INTO YOUR DESIGNATED ACCOUNT.

FURTHERMORE, I AM OF THE HOPE THAT OUR MUTUAL CLIENT MUST HAVE INTIMATED YOU CONCERNING THE SEIZURE OR CONFISCATION OF HER LATE HUSBAND`S BANK ACCOUNTS AND PROPERTIES AS A RESULT OF ALLIGATION LEVELED AGAINST HER HUSBAND IMMEDIATELY AFTER THE SAD OCCURENCE OF HIS DEATH WHEN HE WAS IN POWER AS THE MILLITARY PRESIDENT OF FEDERAL REPUBLIC OF NIGERIA. HENCE, BASED ON THIS FACT, OUR MUTUAL CLIENT HAS DEMANDED THAT HER NAME BE CHANGED AS THE OWNER OF THIS FUNDS/CONSIGNMENT IN THE HOLDING COMPANY AND YOUR NAME BE EFFECTED AS THE BENEFICIARY OF HER FUNDS. THIS IDEA IS BROUGHT FORTH TO COVER EVERY TRACE OF THIS FUNDS TO HER FAMILY NAME AND FOR TOTAL SAFETY OF THIS FUNDS PENDING THE SUCCESSFUL TRANSFER INTO YOUR ACCOUNT . THEREFORE, TO EFFECT THIS VERY IMPORTANT CHANGE OF OWNERSHIP, BELOW STATED INFORMATION ARE NEEDED FROM YOU IMMEDIATELY:

NEEDED INFORMATION AS FOLLOWS:

A) YOUR FULL NAME AS IT APPEARS ON YOUR INTERNATIONAL PASSPORT OR DRIVERS LICENSE.
B) YOUR COMPANY`S NAME AND ADDRESS OR ALTERNATIVELY, YOUR RESIENTIAL ADDRESS.
C) YOUR PRIVATE TELEPHONE AND FAX NUMBERS FOR EASIER COMMUNICATION.

CONCLUSIVELY, PLEASE BE NOTIFIED THAT AS SOON AS THESE AFOREMENTIONED REQUESTED INFORMATION ARE RECEIVED FROM YOU, I WILL MOVE QUICKLY TO FORWARD IT TO THE HOLDING COMPANY ATTORNEY TO ENABLE THEM TO EFFECT THIS VERY IMPORTANT CHANGE OF OWNERSHIP WITH YOUR INFORMATION THEREBY MAKING YOU THE BONAFIDE BENEFICIARY OF FUND. . PLEASE NOTE THAT URGENCY IS HIGHLY NEEDED IN THIS PROJECT SO THAT WE CAN FINALIZE TIMELY .

THANK YOU VERY MUCH FOR YOUR ANTICIPATED COOPERATION .I AWAIT TO RECEIVE THESE NEEDED INFORMATION FROM YOU IN YOUR REPLY TO MY MAIL.CALL ME AT: 00228-9380xxx UPON YOUR RECEIPT OF THIS DETAILED MAIL FOR DISCUSSION.

SINCERELY,

BARRISTER SANI AUDU
saniaudu_associtaes_xxxx@xxxxxxxx.com
00228-9380xxx.

Oh no, no, no! That won't do at all!

From: "Ben Codpiece" <ben.codpiece@xxxxxxxx.com>
To: saniaudu_associates_xxxx@xxxxxxxx.com;
Cc: Mariam Abacha <mariam_abn2005@xxxxxxxx.com>
Subject: Re: Clarification, Our obligations and Information request
Date: 11-Apr-2006 18:08

Dear Barrister Sani Audu,

I am in receipt of your email. I note you have not done as I specifically requested, namely to copy your correspondence to Dr Abacha.

Please will you kindly resend, this time copying to Dr Abacha so that she can be apprised of developments.

I must insist that you copy all correspondence to Dr Abacha in future. I will not repond to any emails that are not copied to Dr Abacha. She absolutely must know what is going on.

Thank you,
Rev E J Codpiece.
--
The New Rectory
Church Lane
Elmsett
Ipswich IP1 2PR
http://www.stivelschurch.uk.tc

Best let the good doctor know what's going on:-

From: "Ben Codpiece" <ben.codpiece@xxxxxxxx.com>
To: Mariam Abacha <mariam_abn2005@xxxxxxxx.com>
Subject: Barrister Sani Audu
Date: 11-Apr-2006 18:53

Dear Mariam,

Barrister Sani Audu has just emailed me. Is he a complete dimwit or WHAT? I specifically asked him to copy his replies to you and he has not done so - deliberately, in my opinion. I have asked him to resend his email so that you can see what he's up to. He denies knowing Richard Toure and Diarra Kone but I have an email from him where he asks me to send this money to those very same named people!

Also I see he provides yet another different email address: saniaudu_associtaes_xxxx@xxxxxxxx.com. Is this another "error"? Woops missus, my finger slipped? I should coco! If I send him more money, is he going to deny receiving it and claim *I* got the email address wrong again? So far between you and him, I have been sent four different email addresses!

I will be courteous to him provided he doesn't mess me about, but my patience is wearing very thin at this point! You appear to have selected another total duffer as a lawyer!

I trust you are keeping well.

Regards,
Ben.
--
The New Rectory
Church Lane
Elmsett
Ipswich IP1 2PR
http://www.stivelschurch.uk.tc

From: Mariam Abacha <mariam_abn2005@xxxxxxxx.com>
To: "Ben Codpiece" <ben.codpiece@xxxxxxxx.com>
Subject: Work with Sani/ urgent reply
Date: 12-Apr-2006 11:45

Dear Ben,

I wish you the best of Easter season, How are you my dear?

I am happy for your effort in making sure that you write Sani for further process of this transaction, i am happy also that it torches you in mind and taught to help me with my predicament. Thanks for that.

Concerning Sani Audu's not coping me as you told him, please, i believe to recieve more copies of what he will send to you as we procced, please don't allow it worry you. Now dear, all i wish now is to see the successful transfer of this Funds directly to your nominated account in your country. Please, you have started by showing your consistency in making sure that all goes well with me and family, do continue with your good work. I hope and wish that all will soon come to pass and we will rejoice.

Sani again, remain my only option to see to the goodness of this thing at hand, i don't have any alternative now than to work with him. Hes experience counts and he has a vast sense in his field of knowledge. Go ahead and work with him.

Thanks for every thing and thanks for your assistance to see that all goes well. I wish you the best of Easter season. Thanks and remain blesseed.

Kind regards,
Mariam Abacha

From: "Ben Codpiece" <ben.codpiece@xxxxxxxx.com>
To: Mariam Abacha <mariam_abn2005@xxxxxxxx.com>
Subject: Re: Work with Sani/ urgent reply
Date: 14-Apr-2006 14:51

Dear Mariam,

I am filled with contrafibularity with your obvious confidence in Barrister Sani and I therefore agree I will work with him to the utmost of my possibility. However I must absolutely insist that he copies everything to you because you see my dear, I am not as 100% confident that he has all his ducks in a row, as we say in these parts. I think you need to know exactly what he's saying to me so that you can maintain a watchful eye on developments.

I see there is an email from him in my inbox as I write, so without further delay let me whistle down the wind and see what the good fellow is a-doodling of.

I will write to you again in a moment.

Regards,
Ben.

PS. By the way, did you absorb my comments regarding your appearance on the St Ivel's Web site? I'd like to show what a variety of good and wholesome projects we engage in. Did you see the page about our overseas work?

--
The New Rectory
Church Lane
Elmsett
Ipswich IP1 2PR
http://www.stivelschurch.uk.tc

From: Sani Audu <saniaudu_associates_xxxx@xxxxxxxx.com>
To: "Ben Codpiece" <ben.codpiece@xxxxxxxx.com>
Cc: Mariam Abacha <mariam_abn2005@xxxxxxxx.com>
Subject: Clarification, Our obligations and Information request
Date: 12-Apr-2006 13:02

ATTENTION: CODPIECE Ben (Mr)

DEAR SIR:

I SINCERELY APOLOGIZE FOR NOT TAKING INTO CONSIDERATION YOUR DEMAND TO SEND A COPY OF EVERY CORRESPONDENCE WITH YOU TO OUR MUTUAL CLIENT MRS MARIAM ABACHA. I HEREBY RESORTED TO RESENDING MY MAIL TO YOU OF YESTERDAY WHICH I AM SENDING A COPY TO OUR MUTUAL CLIENT AS HAVE DEMANDED FOR REASONS BEST KNOWN TO YOU. THANKS.

And he quotes his entire previous email (not repeated here, for the sake of brevity). Ebenezer responds:-

From: "Ben Codpiece" <ben.codpiece@xxxxxxxx.com>
To: saniaudu_associates_xxxx@xxxxxxxx.com;
Cc: Mariam Abacha <mariam_abn2005@xxxxxxxx.com>
Subject: Re: Clarification, Our obligations and Information request
Date: 14-Apr-2006 15:15

Dear Barrister,

Thank you for your attentions. There is no need to apologise so profusely, I am certain it was merely an oversight on your part. Although absorbent, I can also be strong and soft! You say I asked you to copy your emails to Dr Abacha "for reasons best known to me". Well those reasons are also known to you as I stated them in my email: it is so that Dr Abacha may know at all times what you are saying to me, what I am saying to you, and what is happening as regards the developmental progress of this case. I believe that is fair, do you not?

Before we proceed any further, I feel we should resolve the issue of Messrs Richard Toure and Diarra Kone and the 5350 Euros which I have already paid on March 23rd. You appear to be suggesting that these gentlemen may be imposters. Let me recap the immediate antecedents to that event and maybe you will be able to recollect them. On March 21st Dr Abacha asked me to contact you, which I did, and you asked me to send the sum of 5350 Euros to Messrs Toure and Kone. I was obliged to filch the money from the church's Poor Fund because you stated when we spoke on the telephone on March 22nd that Dr Abacha's fund would be in the UK within eight hours of my sending the money. Therefore, with great trepidation in my stools, I drove into Ipswich the folowing day (March 23rd), drew out the cash, then went along to the Western Union please in Market Street where I sent it to Messrs Toure and Kone as instructed. I called you on my mobile and you thanked me and again stressed that Dr Abacha's fund would be winging its way to Elmsett very soon.

Has that jogged your memory at all? You must remember - there was an almost unbearable amount of background noise from the traffic, a couple of workmen excavating the road with pneumatic drills and a circus parade complete with brass band, clowns and the trumpeting of elephants! I shall send you a copy of your email to me, maybe that will help.

Blessings upon you,
Ben.
--
The New Rectory
Church Lane
Elmsett
Ipswich IP1 2PR
http://www.stivelschurch.uk.tc

And I attach the email I sent as the "incorrect" Audi Sani asking for 5350 Euros to be sent to Richard Toure and Diarra Kone. Hey, why should I pay twice for someone else's cock-up?!

From: Sani Audu <saniaudu_associates_xxxx@xxxxxxxx.com>
To: "Ben Codpiece" <ben.codpiece@xxxxxxxx.com>
Subject: Reminder ...from barr. sani audu
Date: 14-Apr-2006 11:57

ATTN; CODPIECE Ben Mr

DEAR SIR

THIS IS TO REMIND YOU THAT I AM STILL WAITING FOR YOUR CORRESPONDENCE SEQUEL TO MY LAST EMAIL MESSAGE TO YOU. THANK YOU AND PLEASE ENDEAVOUR TO GET BACK TO ME URGENTLY.

SINCERELY,
BARRRISTER SANI AUDU

From: "Ben Codpiece" <ben.codpiece@xxxxxxxx.com>
To: saniaudu_associates_xxxx@xxxxxxxx.com;
Cc: Mariam Abacha <mariam_abn2005@xxxxxxxx.com>
Subject: Re: Reminder ...from barr. sani audu
Date: 14-Apr-2006 15:30

Dear Barrister,

Yes, I am sorry, I have been very busy. As you may be aware, Easter is a busy time for Christian clergymen. I'm afraid email is the least of my worries at the moment, we have been plagued by a nasty outbreak of weasels in recent weeks. Do you have weasels in Nigeria? They're dreadful creatures, they will eat anything, even the socks off your feet! They've gnawed at the lead flashing and let the rain in through the roof of the chancel, knave and vestry and soaked the ecclesiastical accoutrements. The chasubles were especially damaged. The Bishop was honking mad when he found out and the reverendly knackers were firmly, as they say, in the proverbial crackers! Apparently the little buggers had gotten up on the roof and were eating the lead which seals the gaps between the tiles. How in God's name they ever developed a taste for lead we'll never know! Tell me, do you have weasels in Nigeria?

Regards,
Ben.

PS. I'm a "Rev" not a "Mr". This is important if you have to prepare any documentation!

PPS. You forgot to copy your email to Dr Abacha - AGAIN! No worries, I shall copy it to her. Please try to be more careful in future.

--
The New Rectory
Church Lane
Elmsett
Ipswich IP1 2PR
http://www.stivelschurch.uk.tc

I really *do* want to know whether there are weasels in Nigeria!

From: saniaudu_associates_xxxx@xxxxxxxx.com;
To: "Ben Codpiece" <ben.codpiece@xxxxxxxx.com>
Cc: Mariam Abacha <mariam_abn2005@xxxxxxxx.com>
Subject: More Clarification/ please answer my questions
Date: 17-Apr-2006 19:57

ATTN. CODPEICE Ben Mr

DEAR SIR.

YOUR MAIL WAS RECEIVED. I TRIED TO UNDERSTAND YOUR MAIL AND IT WAS CLEAR THAT YOU SENT THIS MONEY TO ABDIJAN COTED'IVOIRE AND TO SOME PEOPLE NAMED TRIORE AND KONTE UNDER THE INSTRUCTION OF THIS SANI AUDI IN ABDIJAN. I SAW WITH YOUR REPLY HIS MAIL TO YOU WHERE HE DEMANDED FOR THIS CHARGES FROM YOU BUT I WANT STATE CATEGORICALLY CLEAR THAT I AM NOT THE ONE THAT SPOKE WITH YOU FROM ABDIJAN AS YOU HAVE CLAIMED. I AM RESIDING IN LOME, TOGO NOT ABDIJAN, COTED'IVOIRE. MY NAME IS SANI AUDU AND NOT SANI AUDI. YOU CAN CONFIRM FROM MY CLIENT MRS ABACHA THAT ASKED YOU TO CONTACT ME.

MORESO, IT WAS DISTURBING TO ME TO HEAR THIS FROM YOU AND I WILL SUGGEST THAT YOU SEIZE ANY FURTHER COMMUNICATION WITH THESE PEOPLE IN ABDIJAN COTED'IVORE. THIS FUND IS NOT DEPOSITED IN COTED'IVOIVE BUT IN LOME TOGO.

DID MRS ABACHA INFORMED YOU THAT HER FUND IS DEPOSITED AT LOME TOGO OR ABDIJAN COTED'IVORE ? WHICH TELEPHONE NUMBER DID SHE GAVE TO YOU WHEN SHE DEMANDED THAT YOU CONTACT ME BEING HER LAWYER? WHICH EMAIL CONTACT DID SHE GAVE TO YOU? WHICH AMOUNT DID SHE INFORMED YOU SHE DEPOSITED IN THE SECURITY COMPANY? WHAT IS THE NAME OF THE SECURITY COMPANY THAT SHE INFORMED YOU SHE DEPOSITED THIS FUND . PLEASE ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS URGENTLY.

FURTHERMORE, I STRONGLY STILL BELEIVE THAT YOU MUST HAVE MADE CONTACTS TO SOME IMPOSTERS AND NOT ME . I CHALENGE YOU TO FEEL FREE TO CALL ME AT MY TELEPHONE FOR FURTHER DETAILS AND MORE CLARIFICATION. MT TEL. 00228-938-0xxx. I WILL STILL ENDEAVOUR TO SEND A COPY OF THIS MESSAGE TO MY CLIENT AS YOU DEMAMDED IN MY FIRST MESSAGE FOR HER CORRESPONDENCE .

FINALLY, IF YOU STILL INTERESTED TO WORK WITH ME TO HAVE THIS PROJECT SUCCESSFULLY DONE , PLEASE SEND TO ME THE REQUESTED INFORMATION WHICH SHALL BE USED TO EFFECT THE CHANGE OF OWNERSHIP OF THIS FUND TO YOU BEFORE THE TRANSFER INTO YOUR ACCOUNT WILL BE BEGIN.THIS IS IN DEMAND OF MY CLIENT MRS ABACHA .

NB; I HAVE WITH ME THE SLIP OF DEPOSITE WHICH WAS ISSUED TO MY CLIENT MRS ABACHA WHEN SHE DEPOSITED THIS FUND AND I WILL SEND IT TO YOU IN MY NEXT CORRESPONDENCE TO YOU.

SINCERELY,

BARR. SANI AUDU

Barrister Audu sent this twice, a few minutes apart, and then I received a third copy from Dr Abacha. I guess they wanted to make sure I received it!

From: "Ben Codpiece" <ben.codpiece@xxxxxxxx.com>
To: saniaudu_associates_xxxx@xxxxxxxx.com;
Cc: Mariam Abacha <mariam_abn2005@xxxxxxxx.com>
Subject: Re: More Clarification/ please answer my questions
Date: 17-Apr-2006 21:58

Dear Barrister Audu,

That you for your very concise analysis of the transpirations to date.

You ask me what Dr Abacha asked me to do. She wrote quite clearly: "His name is Audi Sani, He is experience in his field of knowledge. I expect you to go ahead and contact him as soon as possible". She told me his email was audisani_associates@xxxxxxxx.com and his mobile number (which I did not ring) was 00228 938 0xxx. I therefore emailed him immediately at the address she gave me and he replied that on order to progress the consignment I needed to send him some money, which I did on the 23rd of March. As far as I can recall at no stage did Dr Abacha state which country the lawyer was in!

You asked me for my full name as it appears on my driver's licence (my passport has expired): it is Ebenezer Joanne Codpiece. I believe you have all my other details. Presumably we can now make some progress?

Yours in the peace and love of our Maker,
Ben.
--
The New Rectory
Church Lane
Elmsett
Ipswich IP1 2PR
http://www.stivelschurch.uk.tc

From: saniaudu_associates_xxxx@xxxxxxxx.com;
To: "Ben Codpiece" <ben.codpiece@xxxxxxxx.com>
Subject: Please accept my sincere apology
Date: 17-Apr-2006 20:10

ATTN; CODPIECE Ben Rev.

DEAR REV;

I JUST SAW YOUR SECOND MESSAGE AFTER I HAVE SENT THE FIRST SO ACCEPT MY SINCERE APOLOGY FOR ADDRESSING YOU AS MR INSTEAD OF REV. I AM VERY SORRY AS YOUR PROFFESSION DESERVES UTMOST RESPECT. IT WAS JUST OUT OF FORMALITY OF ADDRESSING OUR CLIENTS. ALSO, I WILL NOT FORGET TO COPY OUR MUTUAL CLIENT , MRS MARIAM ABACHA.ANY MESSAGE THAT I AM SENDING TO YOU. I AWAIT YOUR URGENT RESPONSE.

SINCERELY,
BARR. SANI AUDU

From: "Ben Codpiece" <ben.codpiece@xxxxxxxx.com>
To: saniaudu_associates_xxxx@xxxxxxxx.com;
Subject: Re: Please accept my sincere apology
Date: 17-Apr-2006 22:02

Dear Barrister Audu,

That's okay, I just wanted to make sure you didn't go to the bother of preparing any documents with an incorrect title.

But may I ask: does the legal profession work on Easter Monday, the day when Our Lord rose from the grave?

Regards,
Ben.
--
The New Rectory
Church Lane
Elmsett
Ipswich IP1 2PR
http://www.stivelschurch.uk.tc

He won't answer the question of course, but it's always worth asking, just in case he comes up with something unusually imaginative.

From: Mariam Abacha <mariam_abn2005@xxxxxxxx.com>
To: "Ben Codpiece" <ben.codpiece@xxxxxxxx.com>
Subject: I trust my lawyer Sani Audu
Date: 17-Apr-2006 21:56

Dear Ben,

How are you today? hope you are in good health. i just forwarded to you a copy of the email messages that i received from my lawyer Sani Audu which he directed to you. I hope that you receive it. Please go ahead to work with him to finish this transaction. He is living in Togo and i trust him so much. I have not even paid him for his legal assistance as i only promise to compensate when everything is done successfully upon this he is working to ensure that this transaction is completed under a legitimate arrangment which is the main reason i involved him. please work with him.

kind regards,
Mariam Abacha

From: "Ben Codpiece" <ben.codpiece@xxxxxxxx.com>
To: Mariam Abacha <mariam_abn2005@xxxxxxxx.com>
Subject: Re: I trust my lawyer Sani Audu
Date: 17-Apr-2006 22:16

Dear Mariam,

I am fine, thank you. I hope you are too? Easter is over, the final service of the weekend finished an hour or so ago. It started as it always does with a candle-lit vigil on Maundy Thursday which processes around the church, thank goodness it stayed dry as last year it poured down and everyone got completely soaked. On Good Friday we carried out The Stations of the Cross with the children of the parish followed by orange pop and ho cross buns which are always well received.

Yes, I feel Barrister Audu is an adequately efficient person although I get the impression I am having to explain everything to him more than once! But his latest email which I see he has copied to you and which I have just replied to, copying my reply to you also so you could see how I had responded to the various points made in the email he sent to me (and which he copied to you), is fairly encouraging in respect of the act that he has asked me for some pertinent information and advises me that certain necessary paperwork is in the process of being the subject of preparation. Hopefully that will be ready soon and we will be on our way. Presumably he's going to recover the money which I sent to this other barrister whose name and email address you have me?

Also, I have asked you this question a couple of times but you have not replied: I'd like to put something on the Web site about our experiences together and how St Ivel's helped you out of your dreadful predicament. We have some information on there about our overseas work including when we drove some relief lorries to Sudan in 2003 with equipment to build wells to provide a source of clean drinking water in the village of Habilah near the border with Chad. I'd like to show what a variety of good and wholesome projects we engage in and a little piece about you and the hardships you've endured would be really nice. Would you have any objections to that? Baldrick is poised to make the changes to the Web site!

Best wishes,
Ben.
--
The New Rectory
Church Lane
Elmsett
Ipswich IP1 2PR
http://www.stivelschurch.uk.tc

From: saniaudu_associates_xxxx@xxxxxxxx.com;
To: "Ben Codpiece" <ben.codpiece@xxxxxxxx.com>
Cc: Mariam Abacha <mariam_abn2005@xxxxxxxx.com>
Subject: PLEASE SEND COMPLETE REQUESTED INFORMATION
Date: 18-Apr-2006 19:10

ATTN; CODPIECE Ben Rev.

DEAR REV.

YOUR MAIL WAS RECEIVED AND WELL UNDERSTOOD. THE TELEPHONE NUMBER THAT YOU ATTACHED IN THE BODY OF YOUR MAIL WAS MY TELEPHONE NUMBER WHICH I AM CURRENTLY USING HERE AT LOME TOGO BUT THE EMAIL WAS NEVER MY EMAIL . THEREFORE, IT IS VERY IMPORTANT THAT YOU STOP ASSOCIATING ME WITH THESE PEOPLE IN COTED'IVOIRE. YOU SHOULD HAVE TRIED TO CALL ATLEAST TO BE FAMILIAR WITH WHOM YOU WERE DEALING WITH BEFORE SENDING MONEY TO ANY ONE. I STRONGLY BELEIVE THAT THIS MIX UP WAS AS A RESULT OF AN OVER-SIGHT FROM YOUR PART.

HOWEVER, SEQUEL TO THE CHANGE OF OWNERSHIP OF THIS FUND AS AGREED TO BE EFFECTED IN YOUR NAME AS THE NEW BENEFICIARY OF THIS FUND, YOUR FULL NAME WAS COMFIRMED RECEIVED BUT YOUR TELEPHONE NUMBER AND ADDRESS WERE MISSING.THUS, PLEASE DO YOUR BEST TO SEND THEM IMMEDIATELY SO I CAN MOVE FORWARD TO SUBMIT IT TO THE SECURITY COMPANY FOR THEM TO EFFECT THIS CHANGE WILL WILL BE DONE AT HIGH COURT HERE IN LOME.

FINALLY, PLEASE CALL ME AT MY TELEPHONE NUMBER FOR FURTHER CLARIFICATION AND MUTUAL UNDERSTANDING.

REGARDS,
BARR. SANI AUDU

From: "Ben Codpiece" <ben.codpiece@xxxxxxxx.com>
To: saniaudu_associates_xxxx@xxxxxxxx.com;
Cc: Mariam Abacha <mariam_abn2005@xxxxxxxx.com>
Subject: Re: PLEASE SEND COMPLETE REQUESTED INFORMATION
Date: 20-Apr-2006 17:45

Dear Sir,

Your email puzzled me somewhat as my full address should be appended to each and every email automagically by the mail software system. As for my telephone number, it is published on the church's Web site.

I trust this helps,
Ben.
--
The New Rectory
Church Lane
Elmsett
Ipswich IP1 2PR
http://www.stivelschurch.uk.tc

They really don't read the stuff I send them... I don't know why I bother!

From: saniaudu_associates_xxxx@xxxxxxxx.com;
To: "Ben Codpiece" <ben.codpiece@xxxxxxxx.com>
Subject: please inform me urgently
Date: 19-Apr-2006 19:23

ATTN: CODPIECE Ben (Rev.)

DEAR REV,

PLEASE LET ME KNOW WHAT IS CAUSING THIS DELAY TO CORRESPOND WITH ME URGENTLY AS I HAVE REQUESTED.THANKS.

SINCERELY,
BARR. SANI AUDU

From: "Ben Codpiece" <ben.codpiece@xxxxxxxx.com>
To: saniaudu_associates_xxxx@xxxxxxxx.com;
Cc: Mariam Abacha <mariam_abn2005@xxxxxxxx.com>
Subject: Re: please inform me urgently
Date: 20-Apr-2006 17:49

Dear Sir,

I trust you have received my reply. I am sorry but I have been extremely busy recently, the parish is not a small one, it is largely rural in nature and necessitates a great deal of travelling, and my ageing Vauxhall Cresta has seen better days. I have been running around like, as we say in these parts, a blue-assed fly.

I remain yours, etc, etc,
Ben Codpiece.
--
The New Rectory
Church Lane
Elmsett
Ipswich IP1 2PR
http://www.stivelschurch.uk.tc

I wish I had nothing better to do all day than sit at a computer answering my email!

From: Mariam Abacha To: "Ben Codpiece" <ben.codpiece@xxxxxxxx.com>
Subject: please tell me
Date: 20-Apr-2006 11:11

Dear Ben,

How are you today? hope that everything is ok with you. My lawyer has continue to complain that you delay to get back to him for so to finalize this project now. please inform me what is happening.

kind regards,
Mariam Abacha

From: "Ben Codpiece" <ben.codpiece@xxxxxxxx.com>
To: Mariam Abacha <mariam_abn2005@xxxxxxxx.com>
Subject: Re: please tell me
Date: 20-Apr-2006 17:53

Dearest Mariam,

I trust you are fit and well. I have just a moment ago replied to your lawyer fellow, he asked me for my address which is bizarre since it should appear at the bottom of every email.

Have you managed to give some consideration to my suggestion that we feature your plight on the church's Web site? I would so dearly love to see that.

Best wishes,
Ben.
--
The New Rectory
Church Lane
Elmsett
Ipswich IP1 2PR
http://www.stivelschurch.uk.tc

From: saniaudu_associates_xxxx@xxxxxxxx.com;
To: "Ben Codpiece" <ben.codpiece@xxxxxxxx.com>
Subject: "Your Information forwarded"/ call me at: 00228-938-0xxx
Date: 21-Apr-2006 10:46

ATTN: CODPIECE Ben (Rev).

DEAR REV;

YOUR MAIL WAS RECEIVED AND WELL UNDERSTOOD. ACTUALLY, I HAVE SEEN THIS ADDRESS OF YOURS IN EVERY EMAIL MESSAGE THAT I RECEIVE FROM YOU BUT I JUST WANTED TO BE SURE THAT IT IS YOUR ADDRESS BEFORE I CAN FORWARD IT TO THE SECURITY COMPANY FOR THIER UTILIZATION IN EFFECTING THE CHANGE OF OWNERSHIP OF THIS FUND. AS YOU KNOW, THIS PROJECT DEMANDS UTMOST PRUDENCE AS TO AVOID FURTHER ERROR .

HOWEVER, PLEASE NOTE THAT I HAVE SUBMITTED TO THE SECURITY COMPANY ALL THE INFORMATION OF YOURS WHICH THEY REQUIRED TO EFFECT THE CHANGE OF OWNERSHIP OF THIS FUND TO YOU. THEY HAVE ASSURED ME THAT IT WILL TAKE ALLEAST TWO WORKING DAYS(48 HOURS) TO BE COMPLETED AT THE HIGH COURT HERE IN LOME TOGO. I WILL INFORM YOU FURTHER AS SOON AS I RECEIVE UPDATE FROM THE SECURITY COMPANY IN THIS RESPECT. THANKS FOR YOUR COOPERATION .

SINCERELY,

BARRISTER SANI AUDU

That seems fair enough...

From: saniaudu_associates_xxxx@xxxxxxxx.com;
To: "Ben Codpiece" <ben.codpiece@xxxxxxxx.com>
Cc: Mariam Abacha <mariam_abn2005@xxxxxxxx.com>
Subject: "Your Information forwarded"/ call me at: 00228-938-0xxx
Date: 21-Apr-2006 11:13

ATTN: CODPIECE Ben (Rev).

DEAR REV;

YOUR MAIL WAS RECEIVED AND WELL UNDERSTOOD. ACTUALLY, I HAVE SEEN THIS ADDRESS OF YOURS IN EVERY EMAIL MESSAGE THAT I RECEIVE FROM YOU BUT I JUST WANTED TO BE SURE THAT IT IS YOUR ADDRESS BEFORE I CAN FORWARD IT TO THE SECURITY COMPANY FOR THIER UTILIZATION IN EFFECTING THE CHANGE OF OWNERSHIP OF THIS FUND. AS YOU KNOW, THIS PROJECT DEMANDS UTMOST PRUDENCE AS TO AVOID FURTHER ERROR .

HOWEVER, PLEASE NOTE THAT I HAVE SUBMITTED TO THE SECURITY COMPANY ALL THE INFORMATION OF YOURS WHICH THEY REQUIRED TO EFFECT THE CHANGE OF OWNERSHIP OF THIS FUND TO YOU. THEY HAVE ASSURED ME THAT IT WILL TAKE ALLEAST TWO WORKING DAYS(48 HOURS) TO BE COMPLETED AT THE HIGH COURT HERE IN LOME TOGO. I WILL INFORM YOU FURTHER AS SOON AS I RECEIVE UPDATE FROM THE SECURITY COMPANY IN THIS RESPECT. THANKS FOR YOUR COOPERATION .

NB; A COPY OF THIS MESSAGE WAS ALSO SENT TO MRS ABACHA FOR HER UPDATE. TAKE NOTE.

SINCERELY,

BARRISTER SANI AUDU

Oh I see - he's copying it to Mariam as well. Good man!

From: saniaudu_associates_xxxx@xxxxxxxx.com;
To: "Ben Codpiece" <ben.codpiece@xxxxxxxx.com>
Cc: Mariam Abacha <mariam_abn2005@xxxxxxxx.com>
Subject: "Your Information forwarded"/ call me at: 00228-938-0xxx
Date: 21-Apr-2006 11:15

ATTN: CODPIECE Ben (Rev).

DEAR REV;

YOUR MAIL WAS RECEIVED AND WELL UNDERSTOOD. ACTUALLY, I HAVE SEEN THIS ADDRESS OF YOURS IN EVERY EMAIL MESSAGE THAT I RECEIVE FROM YOU BUT I JUST WANTED TO BE SURE THAT IT IS YOUR ADDRESS BEFORE I CAN FORWARD IT TO THE SECURITY COMPANY FOR THIER UTILIZATION IN EFFECTING THE CHANGE OF OWNERSHIP OF THIS FUND. AS YOU KNOW, THIS PROJECT DEMANDS UTMOST PRUDENCE AS TO AVOID FURTHER ERROR .

HOWEVER, PLEASE NOTE THAT I HAVE SUBMITTED TO THE SECURITY COMPANY ALL THE INFORMATION OF YOURS WHICH THEY REQUIRED TO EFFECT THE CHANGE OF OWNERSHIP OF THIS FUND TO YOU. THEY HAVE ASSURED ME THAT IT WILL TAKE ALLEAST TWO WORKING DAYS(48 HOURS) TO BE COMPLETED AT THE HIGH COURT HERE IN LOME TOGO. I WILL INFORM YOU FURTHER AS SOON AS I RECEIVE UPDATE FROM THE SECURITY COMPANY IN THIS RESPECT. THANKS FOR YOUR COOPERATION .

NB; NOTE THAT I SENT A COPY OF THIS MESSAGE TO MRS ABACHA FOR HER UPDATE.
SINCERELY,

BARRISTER SANI AUDU

Oh, and again... I suspet he clicked the "send "button twice. Ah, what's this? Mariam sends a copy back to me:-

From: Mariam Abacha To: "Ben Codpiece" <ben.codpiece@xxxxxxxx.com>
Subject: Fwd: "Your Information forwarded"/ call me at: 00228-938-0xxx
Date: 21-Apr-2006 12:22

Note: forwarded message attached.

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: saniaudu_associates_xxxx@xxxxxxxx.com;
To: "Ben Codpiece" <ben.codpiece@xxxxxxxx.com>
Subject: "Your Information forwarded"/ call me at: 00228-938-0xxx
Date: Fri, 21 Apr 2006 03:15:38 -0700 (PDT)

ATTN: CODPIECE Ben (Rev).

DEAR REV;

YOUR MAIL WAS RECEIVED AND WELL UNDERSTOOD. ACTUALLY, I HAVE SEEN THIS ADDRESS OF YOURS IN EVERY EMAIL MESSAGE THAT I RECEIVE FROM YOU BUT I JUST WANTED TO BE SURE THAT IT IS YOUR ADDRESS BEFORE I CAN FORWARD IT TO THE SECURITY COMPANY FOR THIER UTILIZATION IN EFFECTING THE CHANGE OF OWNERSHIP OF THIS FUND. AS YOU KNOW, THIS PROJECT DEMANDS UTMOST PRUDENCE AS TO AVOID FURTHER ERROR .

HOWEVER, PLEASE NOTE THAT I HAVE SUBMITTED TO THE SECURITY COMPANY ALL THE INFORMATION OF YOURS WHICH THEY REQUIRED TO EFFECT THE CHANGE OF OWNERSHIP OF THIS FUND TO YOU. THEY HAVE ASSURED ME THAT IT WILL TAKE ALLEAST TWO WORKING DAYS(48 HOURS) TO BE COMPLETED AT THE HIGH COURT HERE IN LOME TOGO. I WILL INFORM YOU FURTHER AS SOON AS I RECEIVE UPDATE FROM THE SECURITY COMPANY IN THIS RESPECT. THANKS FOR YOUR COOPERATION .

NB; NOTE THAT I SENT A COPY OF THIS MESSAGE TO MRS ABACHA FOR HER UPDATE.
SINCERELY,

BARRISTER SANI AUDU

From: "Ben Codpiece" <ben.codpiece@xxxxxxxx.com>
To: saniaudu_associates_xxxx@xxxxxxxx.com;
Cc: Mariam Abacha <mariam_abn2005@xxxxxxxx.com>
Subject: Re: "Your Information forwarded"/ call me at: 00228-938-0xxx
Date: 21-Apr-2006 19:04

Dear Sir,

Yes indeed, that's my full home address. Thank you for your efforts and thank you for keeping us both informed.

Regards,
Ben Codpiece.
--
The New Rectory
Church Lane
Elmsett
Ipswich IP1 2PR
http://www.stivelschurch.uk.tc

From: Mariam Abacha To: "Ben Codpiece" <ben.codpiece@xxxxxxxx.com>
Subject: thank you for your message
Date: 21-Apr-2006 12:28

Dear Ben,

I'm fine and how are you too? hope that you are in good health. i receive your message and i have receive another message from my lawyer today which i have forwarded to you. please continue to work with my lawyer like this so that we will complete everything quckly. Please feel free to let me know anything that you need or suggest.

kind regards,
Mariam Abacha

From: "Ben Codpiece" <ben.codpiece@xxxxxxxx.com>
To: Mariam Abacha <mariam_abn2005@xxxxxxxx.com>
Subject: Re: thank you for your message
Date: 21-Apr-2006 19:06

Dearest Mariam,

Yes, since you mention it, I'd still like to pursue the possibility of featuring you on the church's Web site. We'd have a picture of you, maybe one with your dear departed husband, and a few words describing your former life and how dreadful things have become, since... you know. What do you think? You could write the words yourself if you wish?

Warm and slightly moist regards,
Ben.
--
The New Rectory
Church Lane
Elmsett
Ipswich IP1 2PR
http://www.stivelschurch.uk.tc

It's worth asking again... or maybe not:-

From: Mariam Abacha To: "Ben Codpiece" <ben.codpiece@xxxxxxxx.com>
Subject: thank you for your message
Date: 22-Apr-2006 21:39

Dear Ben,

How are you today? I received your message and i think that it will better to discuss about this you have suggested when this transaction must have been completed. so please work first with my lawyer and as soon as everything is successful, then we will discuss this.thank you very much for your concern and i pray that the almighty continue to bless you as you help my family.

kind regards,
Mariam Abacha

From: "Ben Codpiece" <ben.codpiece@xxxxxxxx.com>
To: Mariam Abacha <mariam_abn2005@xxxxxxxx.com>
Subject: The Bishop is furious!
Date: 24-Apr-2006 14:02

Dearest Mariam,

I have just come out of a meeting with the diocesan accountant Jenny Tallwarts, she was sitting in her car at the door of The Rectory when I arived home from a shopping trip to Sainsbury's in Ipswich this morning. She was clutching a copy of the bank statement for the Poor Fund account showing a cash withdrawal of £3800 on the 23rd of March and she did not have a very happy expression on her face. It had slipped my mind that the Diocesan Office sends a cheque for £400 every month to a rest home for the bewildered of the local parishes which is operated by The Sisters of Eternal Mercy. The cheque bounced and the bank wrote to the Diocesan Office, the letter landed on the Bishop's doorstep bright and early this morning. Miss Tallwarts wanted to know exactly why the money was withdrawn although I've managed to replace a couple of hundred since then but when she pressed me for the exact details I had to lie to her (God forgive me!) and I told her that you had been introduced to me by a clergyman there in Togo with a recommendation that I should help you if at all possible.

After we'd spoken for about an hour she called the Bishop immediately and had a lengthy conversation with him, apparently he was furious, in fact I could hear his voice clear across the room! When she had come off the phone with him she demanded to know who this clergyman was, what his name was and what his church was called and what the address of the church was. I said it was all in my email box and I couldn't access it at the moment (God forgive me again!) because I had a problem with my password and I was waiting for the email people to send me a new one. She said I should call her as soon as I could get into my email box again and find the information about the clergyman in Togo and let her know what it was. I think she intends to check my story for herself and if she does that then I'm in major trouble. She said in any case I should not have taken it upon myself to deal with such a serious matter, the Cathedral has a Charities Committee which deals which such affairs, it was not for a mere parish priest to involve himself in matters of international aid. I'm beginning to understand what she means!

Please Mariam I beg of you, do you know a clergyman in Togo who could send me an email containing all your details and all the trials and tribulations you have been suffering exactly as you have described them to me and then he should ask me to give you every help and assistance? He should sign the email with his full name and the address of his church in Togo and if he can date the email with some date back in February before we started emailing each other then I could show that to Miss Tallwarts and she would believe my story. What do you think? It's the best idea I could come up with at short notice, she really caught me on the hop.

Do you think you can find a clergyman there in Togo who would be willing to send me an email like that? It's not really lying is it, I don't think, it's just filling in the details of your story. The problem is Miss Tallwarts might try to email him for more information so it would have to be someone you can rely upon to give her the information she needs to hear. Please, this whole thing has got me into a real tizzy, if I can't convince her that I've used the money for a good cause and she decides I've stolen it, I'm worried that I could lose my job and the police might even become involved! I beg of you, can you do this and get me out of the poo?

I look forward to hearing from you at your very earliest convenience, please don't let me down, I'm very worried about all this and what's going to happen to me!

Best regards,
Ben.
--
The New Rectory
Church Lane
Elmsett
Ipswich IP1 2PR
http://www.stivelschurch.uk.tc

From: Mariam Abacha To: "Ben Codpiece" <ben.codpiece@xxxxxxxx.com>
Subject: i am waiting for feed back
Date: 25-Apr-2006 13:29

Dear Ben,

i receive your message and i was very disturbed to hear this from you. Also, same yesterday, i receive acopy of the message that my lawyer sent to you informing me that the change of ownership of my fund has been made to you as i demanded.

Coming to your message about if know any reverend in Lome Togo , i don't know any reverend there because Togo is not my country and i don't live in Togo but in Kano, Nigeria. I am advicing you to contact my lawyer immediately to seek for his advice as well.

Also, have you responded to my lawyer following his message to you regarding this change of ownership which has delayed this transaction since four days ago?please let me know how you propose to complete this transaction with my lawyer., i am waiting.

kind regards,
Mariam Abacha

From: "Ben Codpiece" <ben.codpiece@xxxxxxxx.com>
To: Mariam Abacha <mariam_abn2005@xxxxxxxx.com>
Subject: Re: i am waiting for feed back
Date: 26-Apr-2006 19:04

Dearest Mariam,

What? You're in Nigeria? I thought you said you were in Lome-Togo? But the money is in Lome-Togo, yes? No matter, I just need a clergyman to write me a letter of recommendation saying all about your situation and begging me to help you, something I can show Miss Tallwarts. She called me again this morning and I have meeting with her at 3pm tomorrow, if I don't come up with a convincing story she will chew me up like a fudge brownie and spit the bits down the nearest lavatory. I implore you, go to your nearest church and find a clergyman and ask him to write such an email as I have described. Ask him to date it sometime in February then I can show it to Miss Tallwarts and there will be a good reason for the money being missing. We can worry about getting the money back later, in fact I will drop Barrister Sani Audu a line right this minute.

If I can't convince Miss Tallwarts that I had a good reason for withdrawing the money from the Poor Fund, I could well find myself out of a job! Do what you can for pity's sake, all this business is making me ill with worry. Make sure I get that email before 2pm tomorrow to give me time to print it out and get my story straight!

Regards,
Ben.
--
The New Rectory
Church Lane
Elmsett
Ipswich IP1 2PR
http://www.stivelschurch.uk.tc

From: saniaudu_associates_xxxx@xxxxxxxx.com;
To: "Ben Codpiece" <ben.codpiece@xxxxxxxx.com>
Cc: Mariam Abacha <mariam_abn2005@xxxxxxxx.com>
Subject: Please find two documents as attached/ call me at: 00228-938-0xxx
Date: 24-Apr-2006 18:58

ATTN; CODPIECE BEN (REV)

DEAR REV:

IT WAS MY DELIGHT TO INFORM YOU THAT THE CHANGE OF OWNERSHIP OF THIS FUNDS TO YOUR NAME AS THE NEW BENEFICIARY HAS BEEN EFFECTED SUCCESSFULLY. THIS CHANGE OF OWNERSHIP WAS IN RESPECT TO THE REQUEST OF THE DEPOSITOR OF THIS FUND WHICH ALSO SHALL BE REFERED TO AS MY CLIENT, MRS ABACHA.

THUS, PLEASE FIND TWO DOCUMENTS AS ATTACHED WITH THESE MAIL;

1. "THE CHANGE OF OWNERSHIP DECLARATION " WHICH WAS PREPARED AND EFFECTED BY THE HIGH COURT OF TOGO BEING THE COUNTRY WHERE THE SECURITY COMPANY IS LOCATED .

2. "THE DEPOSITE SLIP" WHICH WAS ISSUED TO MY CLIENT AT THE TIME SHE DEPOSITED THIS FUND/CONSIGNMENT WITH THE SECURITY COMPANY HERE AT LOME TOGO.

CONSEQUENTLY, YOU ARE REQUESTED TO INFORM ME IN YOUR NEXT CORRESPONDENCE ,THE RECEIPT OF THESE DOCUMENTS. PLEASE NOTE THAT I PERSONALLY STAND AS THE DECLARANT IN THE HIGH COURT IN RESPECT TO THIS CHANGE OF OWNERSHIP.

FINALLY, UPON MY RECEIPT OF YOUR RESPONSE IN RESPECT TO YOUR COMFIRMATION OF THE RECEIPT OF THESE DOCUMENT, I WILL ADVICE YOU FURTHER ON THE NEXT STEP. THUS, IT IS VERY IMPORTANT THAT YOU ENDEAVOUR TO CALL ME AT MY TELEPHONE AS SOON AS YOU RECEIVE THIS MESSAGE. CALL ME AT: 00228-9380xxx. I AWAIT YOUR URGENT COMFIRMATION OF THE RECEIPT OF THESE DOCUMENTS .

SINCERELY,

The usual phoney-baloney documents, although in this case they're not too bad - in fact I can't spot a single spelling mistake anywhere! Note that Rev Codpiece's supposed middle name of "Joanne" seemed to be accepted without the slightest question! Of course, things won't progress as easily as the lads hope... Rev Codpiece has trouble opening the documents:-

From: "Ben Codpiece" <ben.codpiece@xxxxxxxx.com>
To: saniaudu_associates_xxxx@xxxxxxxx.com;
Cc: Mariam Abacha <mariam_abn2005@xxxxxxxx.com>
Subject: Re: Please find two documents as attached/ call me at: 00228-938-0xxx
Date: 26-Apr-2006 19:20

Dear Barrister Sani Audu,

Thank you for your email, the contents of which I think I understand although the documents which you attached are only about two inches by one inch and the writing is so small I am totally unable to read it excpet for the words SLIP OF DEPOSIT on the top one. Do you have larger copies by any chance?

I have read your words I PERSONALLY STAND AS THE DECLARANT IN THE HIGH COURT but as the humble clergyman of a small rural parish in East Anglia I feel obliged to ask the significance of these words, or are you just telling me this for my own information? Whichever way, I thank you again on my behalf and on behalf of Doctor Abacha. Hopefully this business will be over shortly. I have recorded your telephone number and will call you shortly. If you need to call me, my mobile number 07xxx-797226 is best as young Nathaniel Loombucket, my young curate, often picks up calls on the house phone and I would not want him to become involved as he is a bit of a pillock.

May I take this opportunity of enquiring as to the progress of identifying the whereabouts of the money I sent to you last month? The diocesan accountant visited me on Monday, apparently she received a bank statement for the church's Poor Fund showing that I had withdrawn £3800 in cash in March and she insisted on knowing exactly what I had done with it. I tried to explain it was for a good cause but when she pressed me for more details I'm afraid I told a teensy little lie and said that Doctor Abacha was recommended to me by a clergyman in Lome-Togo but I couldn't give her the full details because there was a problem with my email password. This morning I had a call from her - Jenny Tallwarts, the diocesan accountant - and she was wondering why my password wasn't fixed yet and I'm afraid I blubbered a little bit and said I sttill couldn't get into my email. Anyway she gave me another 24 hours and said I had to get it sorted out before then and have the information about this imaginary clergyman ready for her. We have a meeting at three o'clock tomorrow and I know that if I can't come up with a story then the reverendly testicles will be sliced and diced and served up to the Bishop garnished with a shredded copy of my pension statement!

Do you happen to be familiar with a clergyman there in Lome-Togo who can write me a letter of recommendation saying all about Doctor Abacha's situation and begging me to help her? Please, go to your nearest church and find a clergyman, anyone who can write such a letter, preferably with a date on it back in February before this fiasco all tarted. If I can't convince Miss Tallwarts that I had a good reason for taking all that money out of the Poor Fund, I may well find myself out of a job!

Regards,
Ben.
--
The New Rectory
Church Lane
Elmsett
Ipswich IP1 2PR
http://www.stivelschurch.uk.tc

Hee-hee - the barrister gets annoyed:-

From: saniaudu_associates_xxxx@xxxxxxxx.com;
To: "Ben Codpiece" <ben.codpiece@xxxxxxxx.com>
Subject: I need your correspondence
Date: 26-Apr-2006 09:42

ATTN : CODPIECE Ben (Rev)

DEAR REV,

IT'S QUITE UNFORTUNATE THE WAY YOU ARE HANDLING THIS PROJECT. SINCE TWO DAYS AGO, THE CHANGE OF OWNERSHIP DECLARATION OF THIS FUND WAS EFFECTIVELY COMPLETED AT THE HIGH COURT AND WAS SENT TO YOU BUT TILL THIS MOMENT YOU HAVE NOT BEEN ABLE TO COMFIRM TO ME THE RECEIPT OF THIS DOCUMENT. THIS IS NOT THE BEST WAY TO DO PROJECTS LIKE THIS THIS. PLEASE SEND YOUR CORRESPONDENCE TO ME MOST URGENTLY.

SINCERELY,

SANI AUDU

From: "Ben Codpiece" <ben.codpiece@xxxxxxxx.com>
To: saniaudu_associates_xxxx@xxxxxxxx.com;
Cc: Mariam Abacha <mariam_abn2005@xxxxxxxx.com>
Subject: Re: I need your correspondence
Date: 26-Apr-2006 19:34

Dear Barrister,

It is unfortunate that emails are such cold, impersonal forms of communication because your words came across as quite brusque and almost rude, which I suspect you may not have intended. I shall give you the benefit of the doubt in view of the fact that English may not be your first language.

By now you will have received my first email in which I explain that I have fallen under the scrutiny of the terrier-like senior accountant of the diocesan office, Jenny Tallwarts, who has noticed the £3800 deficit in the Poor Fund and is pursuing me for a damn good explanation, failing which my post here at St Ivel's will be in great jeopardy. Maybe you will understand the circumstances which preclude me from devoting my undivided attention to Doctor Abacha's current situation. In any case, if this business has all been hanging around since 1998, I can't imagine the odd day or three will make very much difference. I should cocoa!

Now I am in your hands and the hands of Doctor Abacha. If I cannot produce an email from a clergyman in Lome-Togo or I suppose Nigeria at a pinch, an email I can use to convince Miss Tallwarts that I had a valid reason for stealing $3800 from the poor widows and orphans of the parish, not to mention the bewildered gentlefolk who are being tended by the Sisters of Eternal Mercy, then I will probably find myself out of a job or, even worse, transferred to West Africa!

Please let me know what you can do. A little help would be nice!

Regards,
Ben.

PS. You forgot to copy your email to Doctor Abacha again.
--
The New Rectory
Church Lane
Elmsett
Ipswich IP1 2PR
http://www.stivelschurch.uk.tc

From: saniaudu_associates_xxxx@xxxxxxxx.com;
To: "Ben Codpiece" <ben.codpiece@xxxxxxxx.com>
Subject: DECLARE YOUR INTEREST
Date: 27-Apr-2006 14:34

ATTN: CODPIECE Ben (Rev)

DEAR REV:

YOUR MAIL WAS RECEIVED AND WELL UNDERSTOOD. MAY I INFORM YOU THAT YOU HAVE CONTINOUSLY ACCUSED ME OF RECEIVING THE MONEY WHICH YOU CLAIM TO HAVE SENT TO SOMEONE BEST KNOWN TO YOU AND NOT MY HONOURABLE SELF. THUS, PLEASE NOTE THAT I WILL NOT TORELATE THIS CONTNIOUS ACCUSATION FROM YOU FURTHER MORE.

MORESO, NOTE THAT I AM DEALING WITH YOU BASICALLY IN RESPECT TO THIS FUND WHICH IS IN DEPOSITE AT THE CUSTODY OF ACCENTURES SECURITY COMPANY LOME TOGO AND IF YOU ARE CLAIMING SENDING MONEY TO SOMEONE IN ABDIJAN, PLEASE LOOK FOR YOUR MONEY WHERE YOU SENT IT TO AND STOP ACCUSING ME WRONGLY.

IF YOU ARE REALLY INTERESTED TO WORK WITH ME TO CONCLUDE THIS PROJECT ,PLEASE LET ME KNOW BUT IF YOU DON'T WANT TO CONTINUE, DO NOT HESITATE TO SEND A POWER OF ATTORNEY TO ME DECLARING YOUR WITHDRAWAL AND RELINGUISHING OVER YOUR RIGHT AS THE BENEFICIARY OF THIS FUND. PLEASE GET BACK TO ME URGENTLY AND INFORM ME BEFORE I CAN PROCEED WITH YOU.

SINCERELY,
SANI AUDU

Not copied to the good doctor - again!

From: "Ben Codpiece" <ben.codpiece@xxxxxxxx.com>
To: Mariam Abacha <mariam_abn2005@xxxxxxxx.com>
Subject: Fwd: DECLARE YOUR INTEREST
Date: 27-Apr-2006 18:22

Dearest Mariam,

Once again your barrister is writing to me without copying his emails to you, surely the actions of a man who has something to hide! Well I have nothing to hide, I have kept you both informed at every turn of the wheel and so I am sending you a copy of his latest email to me. The tone of this email is most unsatisfactory, let me remind you that I have gone out of my way to try and help you and I have just returned from seeing the Bishop himself who advised me in no uncertain terms that my job is on the line. I have been suspended from my duties pending an investigation and if I cannot show some reason why I have taken the money from the Poor Fund, I am advised that not only wil I lose my job and my pension but also there will be a report made to the police and I may find myself staring at life through a set of iron bars. All I needed was an email from a clergyman in Togo or Abidjan or anywhere in Africa which I could have shown the Bishop but no, you failed me in my hour of need. I am going to reply to your barrister now and I will copy my reply to you out of normal courtesy.

Regards,
Ben.
--
The New Rectory
Church Lane
Elmsett
Ipswich IP1 2PR
http://www.stivelschurch.uk.tc

Rev Codpiece takes offence:-

From: "Ben Codpiece" <ben.codpiece@xxxxxxxx.com>
To: saniaudu_associates_xxxx@xxxxxxxx.com;
Cc: Mariam Abacha <mariam_abn2005@xxxxxxxx.com>
Subject: Re: DECLARE YOUR INTEREST
Date: 27-Apr-2006 18:39

Mr Barrister,

I was deeply hurt by the tone of your email, this time I can sense your insults, this is not merely because English is possibly not your first language. First of all I have to correct your statement that I sent the money to "somone best known to me". If they were knon to me then we would not be having this heated exchange. May I remind you that I contacted the EXACT email address Doctor Abacha provided to me, the EXACT address. A reply came back from someone who apparently kjnew what I was talking about and this is EXACTLY what I would have expected. I then ran around like a blue-assed fly in order to send the money TO THE PERSON DOCTOR ABACHA INTRODUCED ME TO. Only when it was all completed several days later did she bother to tell me that she had given me the wrong address, the address of someone in a completely different country!

You appear to be castigating me for doing EXACTLY WHAT I WAS ASKED TO DO!!

Secondly, you seem to be doubting that my intentions are genuine, in other words you are suggesting that an ordained minister of the Church of England is systematically lying to yo, for what purpose I can only begin to imagine! I have now turned myself into a criminal by STEALING £3800 from the church's Poor Fund and just this afternoon I was thoroughly roasted by my Bishop and that rottweiler Jenny Tallwarts, suspended from duty and threatened with a police investigation into the missing money which if I do not get it back or at least account for its absence, will presumably lead to the loss of my job and my pension. Have I gone through all that purely to satisfy some bizarre desire for self-immolation? I THINK NOT!!

I have done everything asked of me at every juncture and now for my pains I receive a stream of insults an innuendos from you, ALL IN UPPER CASE WHICH IS VERY DIFFICULT TO READ, and again NOT COPIED TO DOCTOR ABACHA, for what reason I can only begin to guess. Presulambly you wish to hide from her how you deal with your clients! Let me remind you - as if you needed reminding - that a barrister charges extortionately high fees and I am 101% sure that you intend to screw every last penny you can out of the unfortunate Doctor Abacha, so I would suggest that it is in your own interests to toady up to both of us!

All I asked for after all my trials and tribulations was an email from a clergyman in Togo or Abidjan or anywhere in Africa which I could have shown the Bishop but no, you failed me in my hour of need. If you can find a clergyman who can send such an email then we may yet be saved but if you cannot, I honestly do not know how much longer all this can go on for. I feel as though I have been bent over a barrel and well and truly shafted. Perhaps you now have the slightest inkling at my situation and how I am feeling!

Rev E J Codpiece.
--
The New Rectory
Church Lane
Elmsett
Ipswich IP1 2PR
http://www.stivelschurch.uk.tc

I've got the feeling this bait is starting to go nowhere fast!

From: saniaudu_associates_xxxx@xxxxxxxx.com;
To: "Ben Codpiece" <ben.codpiece@xxxxxxxx.com>
Cc: Mariam Abacha <mariam_abn2005@xxxxxxxx.com>
Subject: I STILL MAINTAIN MY STANCE
Date: 27-Apr-2006 20:47

ATTN: CODPIECE Ben (Rev)

DEAR REV:

IF WE MUST CONTINUE TO DEAL WITH EACH OTHER IN THIS PROJECT, THEN YOU HAVE TO STOP POINTING ACCUSING FINGERS ON ME REGARDING YOUR PRIOR ENGAGEMENT WITH WHOSOEVER THAT YOU SENT YOUR MONEY TO IN ABDIJAN AND NOT LOME TOGO WHERE I AM CURRENTLY RESIDING. IN ANY EVENT, I WOULD BE HAPPY IF YOU CAN COME DOWN HERE TO MEET WITH ME. I WILL WAIT FOR YOU AT THE AIRPORT AND WE WILL VISIT THE SECURITY COMPANY TOGETHER TO CLAIM THIS FUND.

AGAIN I NOTED THIS STATEMENT OF YOURS: Only when it was all completed several days later did she bother to tell me that she had given me the wrong address, the address of someone in a completely different country.

FURTHERMORE, PLEASE DO NOT HESITATE TO SEND TO ME EMAIL MESSAGE WHERE MY CLIENT HAD TOLD YOU THAT SHE HAD GIVEN YOU THE WRONG ADDRESS. YOU MUST BE FOCUSED WITH CLAIMING THIS FUND OUT FROM THE SECURITY COMPANY HERE IN LOME SO THAT YOU CAN HAVE ENOUGH MONEY TO REPLACE BACK YOUR EXPENSES. IF YOU ARE READY TO WORK WITH ME ,PLEASE LET ME KNOW BUT IF YOU WILL CONTINUE TO ACCUSE ME WRONGLY, THEN I WILL ADVICE MY CLIENT OTHERWISE WHICH IS AS SIMPLE AS YOU SENDING POWER OF ATTORNEY TO ME TO RELINGUISH YOUR RIGHT AS THE BENEFICIARY OF THIS FUND SO THAT ANOTHER INVESTOR COULD BE ALOWED TO COMPLETE THIS PROJECT TIMELY.

FINALLY, , I PIN-POINTED SOME POINTS ESPECIALLY WHERE YOU MENTIONED THAT I DID NOT COPY MY PREVIOUS MESSAGE TO MY CLIENT SO SHE WILL SEE HOW I RELATES WITH YOU. IT IS ON THIS BASIS THAT I INCLUDED MY PREVIOUS TO YOU WITH THIS RECENT MESSAGE THAT I AM SENDING TO YOU WHICH I AM SENDING A COPY TO MY CLIENT FOR HER INFORMATION. GET BACK TO ME IF YOU ARE REALLY WILLING TO DEAL WITH ME .

SINCERELY,
SANI AUDU

From: "Ben Codpiece" <ben.codpiece@xxxxxxxx.com>
To: saniaudu_associates_xxxx@xxxxxxxx.com;
Cc: Mariam Abacha <mariam_abn2005@xxxxxxxx.com>
Subject: Re: I STILL MAINTAIN MY STANCE
Date: 27-Apr-2006 23:47

Dear Barrister,

Thank you, I will do as you say and send you the emails in which Doctor Abacha states that she asked me to contact the wrong address. Hopefully you will see that as soon as she asked me to contact them, that is exactly what I did.

Regards,
Ben.
--
The New Rectory
Church Lane
Elmsett
Ipswich IP1 2PR
http://www.stivelschurch.uk.tc

Hah - I love an excuse to fill the lads' mailboxes with rubbish! I send the emails as requested:-

From: "Ben Codpiece" <ben.codpiece@xxxxxxxx.com>
To: saniaudu_associates_xxxx@xxxxxxxx.com;
Cc: Mariam Abacha <mariam_abn2005@xxxxxxxx.com>
Subject: Fwd: Very urgent Ben!
Date: 27-Apr-2006 23:51

Dear Barrister,

This is the message which Doctor Abacha sent me on 21st March. You can see that she is asking me to send an email to audisani_associates@xxxxxxxx.com. I did that immediately and I received a reply which I shall also forward to you.

Regards,
Ben.

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Mariam Abacha <mariam_abn2005@xxxxxxxx.com>
To: "Ben Codpiece" <ben.codpiece@xxxxxxxx.com>
Subject: Very urgent Ben!
Date: 21-Mar-2006 11:35

Dear Ben,

How are you?

I am writing to let you know that , i have concluded arrangement with another lawyer who i feel is capable and ready to do business with you. His name is Audi Sani, He is experience in his field of knowledge. I expect you to go ahead and contact him as soon as possible to carry on with this transaction.

Furthermore, from what i read in your last mail to me shows that you have not understand exactly what we are talkin about. It seems you forgot that there is no way this money can be transfered with my name ok. If really you want to assist me, every document for this transfer has to change to enable the bank to effect this transfer fast. I am being checked by this present Government, so i am trying to be carefull. That is why i said every thing has to come with your name. This is because, i don't want any body to know that i am involve in this transaction till it is transfered.

This is Audi Sani's contact address;

NAME: AUDI SANI

EMAIL: audisani_associates@xxxxxxxx.com

MOBILE: 00228 938 0xxx.

Please, if John should write you again or contact you further proccedure of this transaction, tell him you are no longer interested in him ok. I now understand what you are trying to tell me initially. Please go ahead and contact Audi now and get back to me for my update. I wait to hear from you soon. God bless. Kind regards Mariam Abacha

And...

From: "Ben Codpiece" <ben.codpiece@xxxxxxxx.com>
To: saniaudu_associates_xxxx@xxxxxxxx.com;
Cc: Mariam Abacha <mariam_abn2005@xxxxxxxx.com>
Subject: Fwd: ATTN: Ebenezer J Codpiece (Rev).
Date: 27-Apr-2006 23:54

Dear Barrister,

This is the reply I received the same day from the address which Doctor Abacha gave me, exactly the same address you will note. This is the email where I was asked to send the 5350 Euros to somesuch Richard Toure and Diarra Kone. Please read.

Regards,
Ben.

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: saniaudu_associates_xxxx@xxxxxxxx.com;
To: "Ben Codpiece" <ben.codpiece@xxxxxxxx.com>
Subject: ATTN: Ebenezer J Codpiece (Rev).
Date: 21-Mar-2006 23:49

ATTN: Ebenezer J Codpiece (Rev).

Dear Sir,

We are inreceipt of your message dated 21st March 2006 and the content well understood.

Thank you for engaging us in this delivery of the box deposited in our custody by Dr Miriam Abacha.

This is to bring to your notice that we will deliver your consignment to you in your country but before delivery commence the requested amount stated below has to be sent to us via western union money transfer using the names as stated.

Furthermore when sending the money to us use the name of our cashier to send it. MR RICHARD TOURE and our accountant general MR DIARRA KONE to make the payment for the delivery of your consignment to you.

1. The business class air ticket of our diplomat will cost 1,050Euros
2. Insurance on consignment to be delivered will cost you 1,800Euros
3. Our diplomatic charges for delivering the consignment to you will cost you 2,500Euros.

Finally the above gives us a total of 5,350Euros ( Five thousand three hundred and fifty Euros ) and the moment we receive the above amount from you our diplomat will be despartched immediately to arrive in your country in England in 8Hours our diplomat will reach you as soon as he arrives your country for you to direct him on how to deliver your consignment in your door step. You are adviced to send us your direct contact telephone number for easy communication.

Send the money and write us with the western union information and we will call you to find out.

We hope we have been informative enough.
Reply to me immediately you receive this email.

we assure you of our good services.

Best regards

Lawyer Sani
Audi Sani Associates
ABIDJAN-COTE D'IVOIRE

And...

From: "Ben Codpiece" <ben.codpiece@xxxxxxxx.com>
To: saniaudu_associates_xxxx@xxxxxxxx.com;
Cc: Mariam Abacha <mariam_abn2005@xxxxxxxx.com>
Subject: Fwd: This is urgent Ben !
Date: 28-Apr-2006 00:01

Dear Barrister,

I sent the money on the morning of the 23rd of March and as soon as I got home again I sent this email to Doctor Abacha. Notice this is half past eight in the evening on the 23rd.

Regards,
Ben.

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: "Ben Codpiece" <ben.codpiece@xxxxxxxx.com>
To: Mariam Abacha <mariam_abn2005@xxxxxxxx.com>
Subject: Re: This is urgent Ben !
Date: 23-Mar-2006 20:29

Dear Mariam,

I am well, thank you, I hope you are well also. May I enquire how your check-up transpired last week?

Regarding the email address, I wrote to the one you gave me originally audisani_associates@xxxxxxxx.com and I have been dealing with Lawyer Sani quite effectively. You were right, Lawyer Sani is much more efficient than John Smith. The money was dispatched this morning, 5350 Euros exactly as requested and I spoke to Lawyer Sani to tell him the control information details. I hope you have been receiving copies of my emails, especially the last one where I sent you the notification that Lawyer Sani's email appeared not to be working properly. Have you been in touch with him? I imagine the diplomat will be with me in Elmsett in the next day or two but he hasn't been in touch to confirm the extact date and time or what flight he might be on. Will he just arrive on my doorstep, do you think? If so, I will have to stay indoors and wait for him.

Please ask him to contact me on my new mobile number 07xxx-797226, sometimes the housekeeper Mrs Miggins picks up the main number in the Rectory or sometimes it's my young curate, Nathaniel Loombucket. The mobile is a lot more confidential.

Best wishes,
Ben.
--
The New Rectory
Church Lane
Elmsett
Ipswich IP1 2PR
http://www.stivelschurch.uk.tc

And finally:-

From: "Ben Codpiece" <ben.codpiece@xxxxxxxx.com>
To: saniaudu_associates_xxxx@xxxxxxxx.com;
Cc: Mariam Abacha <mariam_abn2005@xxxxxxxx.com>
Subject: Fwd: Very urgent Ben !
Date: 28-Apr-2006 00:06

Dear Barrister,

The day AFTER I sent the money and confirmed to Doctor Abacha, she emailed me a letter saying that SHE made the mistake. Here it is attached below.

So you see, SHE made the mistake, I did everything I was asked to do!

Now perhaps you can understand why I am slightly annoyed? In fact "slightly annoyed" is an understatement. I am as mad as a frog in a sock!

Where does that leave us now?

Regards,
Ben.

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Mariam Abacha <mariam_abn2005@xxxxxxxx.com>
To: "Ben Codpiece" <ben.codpiece@xxxxxxxx.com>
Subject: Very urgent Ben !
Date: 24-Mar-2006 15:34

Dear Ben,

My hospital check-up went well and i am happy that i am well again.

I pressume you will listen to what i have to say now. I wrote you yesterday explaining to you on the mistake i made during the cause of writing Sani's email address and i asked you to go ahead now and contact him. But what i read in your mail now shows that you are on the wrong email. Please my dear, this mail address is not the email address of Sani Audu. If you can contact him now, please do that and get back to me.

Please, if you have to work with me, you have to listen to my advice to avoid mistakes ok. The correct email remains audusani_associates@xxxxxxxx.com. I want to believe you will correct this mistake and stop what ever you have with Audi ok. I try to bracket the mistake for you to understand what i am talking about, yet you don't seem to understand. I don't want this mistake to continue please make the correction as soon as possible and get back to me fast. My lawyer's name is Audu Sani not Audi Sani ok. check the email address please.

This money remains my last hope and i don't want to toy with it please. Do as i said to avoid misunderstanding. I wait for your urgent reply.

Regards,
Mariam Abacha

My efforts appear not to have been wasted. The lad appears to have read the emails:-

From: saniaudu_associates_xxxx@xxxxxxxx.com;
To: "Ben Codpiece" <ben.codpiece@xxxxxxxx.com>
Cc: Mariam Abacha <mariam_abn2005@xxxxxxxx.com>
Subject: MY FINDINGS/ I WILL GET BACK TO YOU
Date: 28-Apr-2006 10:59

ATTN: CODPIECE Ben Rev.

DEAR SIR:

YOUR MAIL WAS RECEIVED ALONG SIDE YOUR PREVIOUS CORRESPONDENCE WITH MRS ABACHA. AFTER GOING THROUGH THESE MAILS ONE AFTER THE OTHER, I WAS CONVINCED AS FOLLOWS:

1. YOU ACTUALLY SENT THE MONEY TO ABDJAN, COTED'IVIORE.
2. MRS ABACHA GAVE YOU THE WRONG EMAIL ADDRESS BUT MY COREECT TELEPHONE NUMBER, WHICH IMPLIES THAT I AM IN TOGO AND NOT COTED'IVIORE.

INFACT, JUDGING FROM WHAT I HAVE SEEN, YOU ARE 100% RIGHT TO BE ANGRY BECAUSE THE FAULT CAME FROM MY CLIENT MRS ABACHA WHO GAVE YOU WRONG CONTACT EMAIL ADDARESS OF MINE. PERHAPS, I SUPPOSE YOU DID NOT KNOW THAT THE COTED'IVIORE DOES NOT USE 00228 AS COUNTRY CODE AS WAS CONTAINED ON MY TELEPHONE BUT 00225.

IN ANY EVENT, I WISH TO APOLOGISE FOR THIS MISUNDERSTANDING WHICH ROSE BETWEEN US SEQUEL TO YOUR SAD MOOD AND UTTERANCES AS A RESULT OF THIS MIX UP BUT PLEASE SEIZE TO ACCUSE ME FURTHER BECAUSE YOU DID NOT SEND THIS MONEY TO ME. I WAS ONLY CONTACTED TO ENSURE THAT THIS PROJECT AT HAND IN LOME TOGO IS COMPLETED UNDER A LEGITIMATE ARRANGEMENT AND THAT WAS WHAT I AM DOING.

THE CHANGE OF OWNERSHIP OF THIS FUND TO YOUR NAME AS THE NEW BENEFICIARY HAS BEEN COMPLETED AT HIGH COURT OR LOME AND WE MUST STAY FOCUS TO HAVING A QUICK SUCCESSFUL END OF THIS PROJECT. I ASSURE YOU THAT YOU WILL HAVE ENOUGH MONEY TO PAY BACK THE CHURCH IN NO DISTANCE TIME ONCE WE CAN AGREE TO WORK TOGETHER TO ACHEIVE THIS AIM BY WORKING HARD TO HAVE THIS FUND RELEASED AND TRANSFERED INTO AN ACCOUNT WHICH YOU WILL PROVIDE.

FINALLY, I WILL HAVE TO ENGAGE IN A SERIOUS DELIBRATION WITH MY CLIENT REGARDING THIS WHOLE MIX UP AND I WILL GET BACK TO YOU THEREAFTER. THANK YOU FOR YOUR EFFORT AND PATIENCE .

SINCERELY,

SANI AUDU

From: "Ben Codpiece" <ben.codpiece@xxxxxxxx.com>
To: saniaudu_associates_xxxx@xxxxxxxx.com;
Subject: Re: MY FINDINGS/ I WILL GET BACK TO YOU
Date: 28-Apr-2006 13:18

Dear Barrister,

Thank you. You are clearly an eminently capable professional person and I hope you did not think I was accusing you of absconding with the church's Poor Fund! You are utterly correct, I had no idea that those numbers were in different countries, they both started 0022, in any case I was already aware that we were dealing in internationalities, between Nigeria on the one hand and Togo on the other hand, who was to say another person might not be in a third country completely!

Also I was extremely upset as you can imagine, I have worked tirelessly for the church for twenty-five years, first in Puerto Almanza in Tierra del Fuego where I spent eight years amongst some of the poorest and most honest people on this planet. Do you know this place? Together with the local people I helped to establish a chain of gerbil breeding stations to provide them with food, work and profit. I lived under a framework of dried leaves and slept in a hole in the ground which was fine when dry, but when the rains came it was almost unbearably wet. Then I spent six years amongst the whores, cut-throats and turnpennies of Frinton-On-Sea in Essex, a sea port with a truly fearsome reputation, and then in 1995 at the age of 42 with a chronically bad back and a distinctly dicky ticker, I was rewarded with a peaceful - not to say verging on the vegetative - rural parish in Suffolk by the name of Elmsett.

So, after all my trials and tribulations which included being savaged by an enraged armadillo in the pampas, being bitten on the sit-upon by poisonous dunny spiders and being beaten half to death by a geriatric lady of the night whom I had disturbed giving a client a short time down a dark alley, I had at last been rewarded with a position in which I could quite happily see myself ekeing out the remainder of my days until such time as the Almighty called upon me to join the choir invisible.

But instead I find myself acccused of stealing £3800 from the church's Poor Fund, money earmarked for the support and succour of the parish's sick and needy widows and orphans. I am interrogated by a woman who looks completely capable of tearing out my kidneys with her bare hands and despatching me to my Maker without a moment's hesitation and finally I have to endure the shame of standing in front of my Bishop, the man who recommended me for my current position, and lie to him whilst being stared down upon by an oil painting of the Archbishop of Canterbury. I am faced with the loss of my job, my salary, my pension and the roof over my head. Can you imagine my distress? Yes, perhaps you can, you seem a very sympathetic person.

I am still being pressed for the name of the supposed clergyman who recommended Doctor Abacha to me and I continue to claim that I cannot access my email, but I am sure this excuse will not be accepted for very much longer. Miss Tallwarts said that forgotten passwords are usually sorted out within a few minutes but this has been going on for several days now. I'm pleading with you, can you not find a clergyman of any sort who would be prepared to send me an email asking me to help Doctor Abacha? If I can't come up with a clergyman then I do not have an excuse for withdrawing the money from the Poor Fund and then I am likely to lose everything and maybe even risk being prosecuted by the police for the theft of the cash. If that happens then my assistance to you will terminate immediately since I am pretty certain they do not allowed convicted criminals to have Internet access in their cells or for them to operate bank accounts! Please I beg of you, if you know a clergyman who can do that for me, ask him to help us, even if you have to make a small donation in exchange for his good offices. Or maybe you know someone who could produce an email which just looked like it came from a clergyman in Lome-Togo or Nigeria or Abidjan or wherever? I don't know, is that possible?

Thank you again for spending so much time over all of this and for being so understanding. I trust you absolutely to do the right thing at all times.

Most cordial salutations,
Ben.
--
The New Rectory
Church Lane
Elmsett
Ipswich IP1 2PR
http://www.stivelschurch.uk.tc

No reply... I wonder if I've lost them...

From: "Ben Codpiece" <ben.codpiece@xxxxxxxx.com>
To: saniaudu_associates_xxxx@xxxxxxxx.com;
Cc: Mariam Abacha <mariam_abn2005@xxxxxxxx.com>
Subject: Re: MY FINDINGS/ I WILL GET BACK TO YOU
Date: 04-May-2006 21:21

Dear Mr Barrister,

I'm sorry to pester you, I know you must be a very busy man, but I'm still being plagued by Jenny Tallwarts. You can't imagine how unpleasant that is. She called me this morning and arranged to come over this afternoon, when she arrived she said it was impossible that it would take over a week to restore my password to me. Luckily I had a bit of a clever idea and I logged in and deleted all my emails before she arrived out of my inbox and my sent mail box, then I told her that Google had sent me my password at last and I logged in and showed her all my empty boxes. I pretended I was surprised that all my emails had vanished but she looked in my address book and wrote down your email and also Doctor Abacha's email. She said she was going to write to you tomorrow. Will you let me know what she says? I think she's going to ask about the missing money. Did you have a chance to have that serious deliberation about the situation and if so what conclusions have you arrived at?

Best regards,
Ben.
--
The New Rectory
Church Lane
Elmsett
Ipswich IP1 2PR
http://www.stivelschurch.uk.tc

Perhaps Jenny Tallwarts can elicit a response? (Click here to learn more about Jenny Tallwarts.)

From: mainoffice@softhome.net <mainoffice@xxxxxxxx.net> To: Mariam Abacha <mariam_abn2005@xxxxxxxx.com>
Subject: Reverend Codpiece
Date: 05-May-2006 09:32

Dear Doctor Abacha,

I am writing to you regarding an investigation currently being carried out by the Office of the Diocesan Accountant and I am hoping you will find yourself in a position to assist.

I understand that you are in communication with Reverend Ebenezer J Codpiece of St Ivel's Church, Elmsett, Ipswich, United Kingdom, relating to a business transaction. Rev Codpiece has provided me with your address and has authorised me to seek such information from you as may be required for me to complete this investigation.

May I enquire:-

1) Exactly what business is being transacted between yourself and Rev Codpiece?

2) Have any funds have been exchanged between yourself and Rev Codpiece, in either direction?

3) To the best of your knowledge, has Rev Codpiece been involved in any illegal activities or is he currently planning any breach of the law, either in the UK or abroad?

I trust you will be able to respond to this enquiry at your earliest convenience. Please feel free to verify my authority with Rev Codpiece if you feel this is necessary.

Yours faithfully,
J S Tallwarts (Miss),
Chief Diocesan Accountant,
Cathedral Offices,
Norfolk NR1 4DH.

And of course a separate copy to the lad's other mailbox:-

From: mainoffice@softhome.net <mainoffice@xxxxxxxx.net>
To: saniaudu_associates@xxxxxxxx.com
Subject: Reverend Codpiece
Date: 05-May-2006 09:33

Dear Mr Sani Audu,

I am writing to you regarding an investigation currently being carried out by the Office of the Diocesan Accountant and I am hoping you will find yourself in a position to assist.

I understand that you are in communication with Reverend Ebenezer J Codpiece of St Ivel's Church, Elmsett, Ipswich, United Kingdom, relating to a business transaction. Rev Codpiece has provided me with your address and has authorised me to seek such information from you as may be required for me to complete this investigation.

May I enquire:-

1) Exactly what business is being transacted between yourself and Rev Codpiece?

2) Have any funds have been exchanged between yourself and Rev Codpiece, in either direction?

3) To the best of your knowledge, has Rev Codpiece been involved in any illegal activities or is he currently planning any breach of the law, either in the UK or abroad?

I trust you will be able to respond to this enquiry at your earliest convenience. Please feel free to verify my authority with Rev Codpiece if you feel this is necessary.

Yours faithfully,
J S Tallwarts (Miss),
Chief Diocesan Accountant,
Cathedral Offices,
Norfolk NR1 4DH.

Another few days go by without any sort of response. This is the stage where the lad, however intellectually-challenged he appears to be, finally realises he'ss wasting his time. Worth one more prod, however:-

From: "Ben Codpiece" <ben.codpiece@xxxxxxxx.com>
To: Mariam Abacha <mariam_abn2005@xxxxxxxx.com>
Subject: Re: MY FINDINGS/ I WILL GET BACK TO YOU
Date: Mon, 8 May 2006 09:43:25 +0100

Dear Doctor Abacha and Barrister Audu,

I wonder if Jenny Tallwarts has been in touch with you yet? She was going to write to you - both, I think - to verify my story. She wanted you phone numbers but they were in the emails which I deleted so I couldn't give them to her. Please, I hope you will explain to her everything which has been transpiring between us including how I sent the money from the Poor Fund but for goodness sake don't tell her I sent it to the wrong person in the wrong country or if you do, please don't tell her it was my mistake. She was as mad as a frog in a sock when she came to visit me the other day! If you need more money for fees and suchlike please let me know because I have just been speaking to the loans department at the Hairebaire and Peevely Building Society and they reckon they could lend me a few thousand pounds without any problem, what with me being a clergyman and all. I could replace the money in the Poor Fund and send you the fees you need and then would we be back on track?

Regards,
Ben Codpiece.
--
The New Rectory
Church Lane
Elmsett
Ipswich IP1 2PR
http://www.stivelschurch.uk.tc

What's this?

From: saniaudu_associates_xxxx@xxxxxxxx.com;
To: "Ben Codpiece" <ben.codpiece@xxxxxxxx.com>
Subject: CALL ME
Date: 08-May-2006 12:26

ATTN; CODPIECE Ben (Rev)

DEAR REV;

PLEASE CALL ME AT; 00228-938-0xxx . WAITING FOR YOUR URGENT CALL .

SINCERELY,

BARRISTER SANI AUDU

Yup, he's twigged that he's wasting his time, energy and cash exchanging emails ad nauseam and wants to speak to the good reverend. Ebenezer tries to call:-

From: "Ben Codpiece" <ben.codpiece@xxxxxxxx.com>
To: saniaudu_associates_xxxx@xxxxxxxx.com;
Cc: Mariam Abacha <mariam_abn2005@xxxxxxxx.com>
Subject: Re: CALL ME
Date: 10-May-2006 09:46

Dear Barrister Audu,

I'm sorry, I was trying to call you last night and again this morning but I don't think the phone in the rectory has the ability to call overseas. To be honest I wasn't sure what time it was there - it's a quarter to ten here at the moment - what time is it where you are? Anyhoo, I've been trying to get hold of someone at the cable company just now but they put me on hold for half an hour then cut me off and when I called back they transferred me to half a dozen different people before promising to get someone to call me back but they haven't yet. I seem to recall we had this problem a couple of years ago when I was in Sudan and my young curate Nathaniel Loombucket was trying to get hold of me but I wasn't sure if that was anything to do with the satellite phone in the lorry. Have you seen bit on the church's web site about me driving a lorry all the way from Elmsett to Sudan? It was jolly exciting I can tell you! Anyhow I have to go out in a few moments as I have to do the rounds of some of the less advantaged parishioners including dear old Daphne Molepickler who I think has now gone completely batty. She called me yesterday to report that she had leprechauns or possibly goblins behind the forsythia at the bottom of her garden and wanted me to perform an exorcism. Of course we don't do that sort of thing in this day and age but I'll sprinkle a bit of Holy Water around her bush and say a Kyrie Eleison and an Agnus Dei and that should keep her happy. I'll have my new mobile phone on me whilst I'm out but I'm afraid it's run out of credit, I used it all up when I was speaking to you or come to think about it I was actually speaking to the other Sani Audu, wasn't I? It's all very confusing, let me get this right - you're in Togo and the other barrister, the one I sent the money to, he's in Abidjan, yes? And Abidjan is in Cote d'Ivoire, I know that much. If you could give me a buzz on my mobile I'll stop whatever I'm doing and talk to you. Have you managed to find a clergyman over there yet who can supply me with a convincing cover story? Do what you can in that respect, there's a solid fellow, because Miss Tallwarts is on the warpath and she's fast running out of patience. Has she written to you yet? She told me she was going to. I don't think she believed a word I told her about Doctor Abacha. She's like a pit bull when she gets her teeth into something juicy so I'm looking to you to get me out of the doo-doo on this one.

Deepest contrafibularities,
Ben.
--
The New Rectory
Church Lane
Elmsett
Ipswich IP1 2PR
http://www.stivelschurch.uk.tc

The fake barrister ignores my email and repeats his request:-

From: saniaudu_associates_xxxx@xxxxxxxx.com;
To: "Ben Codpiece" <ben.codpiece@xxxxxxxx.com>
Subject: My response
Date: 10-May-2006 11:26

ATTN: CODPIECE Ben (Rev)

DEAR SIR;

CALL ME AT THE FOLLOWING TELEPHONE NUMBER; 00228-938-0x-xx.

SINCERELY,

SANI AUDU

From: "Ben Codpiece" <ben.codpiece@xxxxxxxx.com>
To: saniaudu_associates_xxxx@xxxxxxxx.com;
Cc: Mariam Abacha <mariam_abn2005@xxxxxxxx.com>
Subject: Re: My response
Date: 10-May-2006 14:54

Dear Barrister Sani Audu,

I have just got back to the Rectory and opened your second email where you asked me to call you again. I got one off you the day before yesterday and had a bit of hassle but I eventually replied this morning, did you receive my email or should I send it again? I've just tried calling you again from the Rectory and I just get a long "boooooop" which I think means I'm not allowed to call overseas. The Diocese pays for the phone bills so I don't know if they've blocked international calls. I wouldn't be at all surprised. I'm still waiting for the cable company to call me back to explain what's going on but they're about as much use as a chocolate teapot, if you have such things where you are. You don't sound as though you received my email because I asked you some questions and you didn't answer any of them so maybe I should send it again, what do you think? Incidentally the apparition at the bottom of Daphne Molepickler's garden turned out to be a badger which had squeezed through a gap in the fence and couldn't find its way out again so I didn't need the Holy Water after all, just a long pointy stick. If you'd like to call me on my mobile number that would be super and then we could have a chat about things. Shall I send my other email again?

Regards,
Ben.
--
The New Rectory
Church Lane
Elmsett
Ipswich IP1 2PR
http://www.stivelschurch.uk.tc

No, I think he's gone...

From: mainoffice@softhome.net To: Mariam Abacha <mariam_abn2005@xxxxxxxx.com>
Subject: Reverend Codpiece
Date: 15 May 2006, 01:46:29 AM

Dear Doctor Abacha,

Further to my email to you dated May 5th, I wonder if you are yet in a position to let me have a response? I have just come off the phone with Reverend Codpiece and I am afraid the situation is becoming serious. I do not know if you are aware but he is currently under internal investigation for the disappearance of a considerable sum of money from Diocesan funds and if the facts surrounding the matter cannot be resolved, we will have no alternative than to report the matter to the Police so that they can carry out their own investigation.

If I can repeat my questions:-

1) Exactly what business is being transacted between yourself and Rev Codpiece?

2) Have any funds have been exchanged between yourself and Rev Codpiece, in either direction?

3) To the best of your knowledge, has Rev Codpiece been involved in any illegal activities or is he currently planning any breach of the law, either in the UK or abroad?

I hope you can see your way clear to answering these questions in order that the situation can be cleared up as quickly as possible.

Yours faithfully,
J S Tallwarts (Miss),
Chief Diocesan Accountant,
Cathedral Offices,
Norfolk NR1 4DH.

One more prod:-

From: mainoffice@xxxxxxxx.net
To: saniaudu_associates@xxxxxxxx.com
Subject: Reverend Codpiece
Date: 15 May 2006, 01:46:43 AM

Dear Mr Sani Audu,

Further to my email to you dated May 5th, I wonder if you are yet in a position to let me have a response? I have just come off the phone with Reverend Codpiece and I am afraid the situation is becoming serious. I do not know if you are aware but he is currently under internal investigation for the disappearance of a considerable sum of money from Diocesan funds and if the facts surrounding the matter cannot be resolved, we will have no alternative than to report the matter to the Police so that they can carry out their own investigation.

If I can repeat my questions:-

1) Exactly what business is being transacted between yourself and Rev Codpiece?

2) Have any funds have been exchanged between yourself and Rev Codpiece, in either direction?

3) To the best of your knowledge, has Rev Codpiece been involved in any illegal activities or is he currently planning any breach of the law, either in the UK or abroad?

I hope you can see your way clear to answering these questions in order that the situation can be cleared up as quickly as possible.

Yours faithfully,
J S Tallwarts (Miss),
Chief Diocesan Accountant,
Cathedral Offices,
Norfolk NR1 4DH.

No, just one more prod:-

From: "Ben Codpiece" <ben.codpiece@xxxxxxxx.com>
To: saniaudu_associates_xxxx@xxxxxxxx.com;
Cc: Mariam Abacha <mariam_abn2005@xxxxxxxx.com>
Subject: Re: MY FINDINGS/ I WILL GET BACK TO YOU
Date: 15-May-2006 09:01

Dear Barrister,

Serious developments here, Jenny Tallwarts just called a moment ago and said she discussed the matter with the Bishop over the weekend and he told her if I can't explain the missing cash within seven days, she is authorised to turn the matter over to the police. He's getting pretty fed up with this whole affair apparently and she told me he shouted at her, "Will no-one rid me of this troublesome priest?". She said she had emailed both you and Doctor Abacha but that neither of you had replied and she practically accused me of making up your email addresses and the whole story. She said she would give me the benefit of the doubt and if you replied and explained what was going on, she would keep the matter within the Diocese and sort it out between us. Please if she conacts you, please tell her everything which has been going on. I have deleted all my emails so I can't give her any details, maybe that was a stupid thing to do but I panicked. The cable company tells me I can't call you because international calls are barred "by the request of the customer" which is the Diocesan Office as they pay all the things like phone bills, electric, gas, etc, and my mobile has run out of credit. If the police get involved I won't be able to explain the missing cash and I could end up being charged with stealing it. If that happens I will lose my job and the roof over my head! Please, I implore you to help me out and when Miss Tallwarts is off my back, we can resume where we left off.

Yours in despair,
Ben.
--
The New Rectory
Church Lane
Elmsett
Ipswich IP1 2PR
http://www.stivelschurch.uk.tc

No, he's definitely gone. Shame!

Game over. In eleven short weeks I've managed to exchange 119 emails with "YAMA" (yet another Mariam Abacha) and her barrister - whatever his name is. Hopefully during that time I managed to diverted his attention away from a real victim somewhere and maybe made him slightly more wary in future.